Author: Susan Minarik

What Mothers Do

Here in the States, today is Mother’s Day. May all of you who are mothers feel special and honored!

Did you know that 46 different nations around the globe set aside a day to honor mothers? Their dates may differ from ours, but the sentiment is rich and deep worldwide. Moms matter.

If you were blessed to have a mom who nurtured, comforted, taught and cared for you, who helped shape your values, and led you to discover the pleasures and fun of life, do take time today to remember her, whether she’s with you still or not.

Really remember. Let yourself think back to your childhood, to your earliest memories of her, and then let one memory flow into another, right up to the present day.

If you find yourself moved by some of your memories, or if some of them make you laugh right out loud, wrap those memories in gratitude. Do it for yourself; it will enrich you and let you savor some of the things that helped make you who you are today.

If your mom is still alive, share one or two of those stories with her and thank her. Let her know that you appreciate the way her gifts of time and energy, her words, her touch, her creativity and imagination brought you joy. If your mom is gone, wrap her in your loving thoughts and, in your heart, know that she will feel them.

Some of you who are reading this may not have had a loving mom. If not, think about the person or people who helped to fill her place. Maybe it was a dad, a stepmom, an aunt, a grandmother, a teacher, a neighbor. Remember who nurtured you and made you feel seen and heard, who helped you find your place in the world and gave you a sense of belonging.

A sense of belonging—to a family, to a society—is one of the most important gifts our mothers give us. They help us discover our identities, our talents and strengths. They encourage us to develop our potentials and to have the courage to express them in the world.

But perhaps more than anything else, what our mothers give us is the experience of knowing unconditioned love—a love that overlooks all our foibles and missteps, that forgives, without a second thought, all the ways we hurt her heart, all our wrongs and errors. Moms teach us that we are valuable, and forgivable, and that we matter, no matter what, and always will.

Today is a beautiful day to give some of that back—and to pass it on.

Wishing you a day of special memories and love.

Warmly,
Susan

Image by shanghaistoneman from Pixabay

The Two-Ton Mustard Seed

While I was surfing through YouTube this week, I was struck with a sense of fascination over the range of things that you can learn online. There’s no problem you can’t solve. The perfect body, home, car, career, and relationships are all at your fingertips. How amazing!  

We didn’t have the Internet when I was growing up. I’m turning 79 today, and the world in which I grew up was an entirely different world than the one we share now. (By the way, I’m tickled that now I can tell people, “I’m pushing 80,” and watch their surprise —thanks in part to what I’ve learned online about eating well and staying active.)

I got to thinking about the countless changes I’ve seen in my lifetime.

We didn’t have the Internet when I was a kid. There were no computers or smart phones. Most homes didn’t even have TV when I started school. And we had big, heavy black telephones with rotary dials and “party lines,” which meant you and several of your neighbors shared the same line and you had to take turns making calls and be courteous and not listen to other people’s conversations.

It’s kind of fun being this old and looking back at all the changes I’ve seen in my lifetime. 

Change is life’s one constant. In fact, I have a little rock with the word “Change” engraved in it sitting on my kitchen windowsill to remind me that it’s the only thing in life that can be carved in stone.  

I like that life is constant change.  It’s like being inside a multi-dimensional kaleidoscope that turns with every breath and paints your stories as it flows. 

Speaking of phones, in the mid-60’s I worked for the telephone company right across the Bay from the Haight-Ashbury district in San Francisco during the original “Summer of Love.” Hundreds of kids and young adults from all over the world came together there to get high on LSD and pot and the music of the Beatles and Jefferson Airplane, and try to find the meaning of life and to figure out how they could use love to change the world. It was a magical time.

One of the local radio stations had a weekly program I adored that featured long discussions with philosophers and mystics and poets, like Alan Watts and Allen Ginsberg and Carlos Castaneda. The show’s name was “The Ever-Changing Transcendental Multilingual Two-Ton Mustard Seed,” and its slogan was “”The program of better living through the chemistry of love.”  

I liked the name immensely. I still do.  Because “ever-changing” and “transcendental” describe the kaleidoscopic and multi-dimensional aspects of life. And the “two-ton mustard seed” alludes to the kind of faith you need to get from one end of your journey to the other with your heart and mind and soul intact.

That’s what it takes: great faith. In what? In the purposefulness of it all, and in its essential beneficence, by whatever name you choose to call it. No matter what befalls you, if you can trust that you are a part of some purposeful, all-embracing love, you can get through anything. In fact, if you hold on to that mustard seed, you can learn to love the changes, and the way they flow, and even learn how to direct your course as you sail through life’s changing tides.

Then, one day, when you reach a certain age, you’ll get to look back at it all and say, with a heart full of gratitude and gladness, “What a ride!  What a ride!”

Wishing you a week of kaleidoscopic delights!

Warmly,
Susan

The Magic of “Better”

Several years ago, I lived down the street from a little boy who lived in poverty in a broken home. He was withdrawn, insecure, and painfully shy.

Then, when he was seven years old, his mother enrolled him in a small, one room school in the neighborhood. It was the practice in this school, his mother told me, to begin every morning with a routine that gradually changed her son’s life.

The children would form a circle, she said, place their hands over their hearts and shout out the affirmation, “I am Awake! Alert! Alive! Enthusiastic! The mark of success is upon me! I am a winner! I cannot fail!” Then they would cheer and clap their hands and begin their day.

The little boy thought this was great fun, and to encourage him, his mom and he started practicing the routine together at home before breakfast. As the days passed, both of them grew happier, healthier, and more confident in their abilities. The mom gave great credit to the chant.

Her story reminded me of a popular self-improvement method that emerged in the beginning of the 20th century. A French psychotherapist, Émile Coué, taught his patients to repeat the phrase, “Every day, in every way, I am getting better and better.” They were to repeat it at least 20 times throughout the day, especially when waking and going to sleep.

Today we credit the success and popularity of the method to a formation in our brains called the Reticular Activating System (RAS). It works as a dynamic, living filter that determines what data—out of the billions of bits of incoming sensory data—to send to our awareness. It makes its choices based on what it determines is important to us.

It learns what’s important to us by listening to our dominant thoughts, both positive and negative. If we’re repeatedly telling it that we’re losers, that nothing ever goes right for us, it will show us all the proof we need to convince us our opinion is true. But if we feed it the thought that we’re constantly improving, that will become our reality.

In her video about the RAS, popular author and podcaster Mel Robbins shares an exercise that will let you experience for yourself how your RAS works. For the next five days, she says, tell yourself that you want to find an image of a heart in your environment.

It could appear as a rock or a leaf or a stain on someone’s shirt, a piece of food, anything. When you spot it, take a moment to recognize how satisfied you feel, and maybe take the object (or a picture of it) home with you as a souvenir.

You’ll be surprised how you keep finding hearts, Mel says. And you’ll have a taste of how your RAS works. Check out Mel’s YouTube video about the RAS for a more in-depth description of the way it shapes your life and how you can put It to work for you.

If the find-a-heart exercise doesn’t appeal to you, invite yourself to practice Dr. Coué’s famous phrase throughout your day: “Every day, in every way, I’m getting better and better.”

Say it to yourself as you wake and go about your morning routine. Say it before sleep. Let it be the recurring song in your day.

Pay attention to the thoughts and images that come to you as you imagine what “better” might be.

Notice the interventions that happen in your life, the new choices and ideas that appear, the way you feel.

It’s an interesting game with cool rewards. Give it a whirl.

Be well and prosper.

Warmly,
Susan

Image by TheUjulala from Pixabay

Taking Sides

Last night I was gazing up at the stars and, once more, I was struck by the realization that our amazing home is but one speck of rock circling one star among countless stars in one of an unknown number of galaxies. How small we are!

And yet, how incredible our minds, to be able to grasp the immensity of it all, to compute the distances, to be capable of wonder and to marvel at its mysteries, and order, and beauty.

How can we be asleep to that? How can we take it all for granted? Why, when we’re gifted not only with intelligence but with the capacity to love, is our little globe beset with such rancor and pain?

You know, there seems to be a trend afoot these days to pit us all against each other, to egg us into taking sides on every conceivable issue.

Tensions and conflicts engulf our homes and work places, our neighborhoods and countries. And this, despite the fact that all the overwhelming majority of humans want is simply to get along with each other and to live our lives in harmony and peace.

None of us has the power, individually, to change the course of world events. But we can have an influence in our immediate corners of the world.

I heard a suggestion this week that gave me pause for thought. Instead of getting entrapped in the blame game, it said, focus on seeking solutions. Ask yourself what you can do to make things better and be willing to give your ideas a try.

Sometimes that can mean having to admit you were less than kind, or thoughtful, or honest. None of us is at our best all the time. We get tired, and crabby, and selfish. It’s part of being human. But so is our ability to apologize, and to ask for time-outs, and to look for ways to make amends.

Sometimes making things better means stretching beyond our comfort zones and trying on less than familiar behaviors—holding our tongues when we would normally confront, forgiving hurts, deciding to overlook other’s foibles instead of falling into irritation or taking offense, looking for things to appreciate in those whose opinions contrast with our own.

What can I do to make things better? That’s the solution-focused question. How can I create more harmony? More understanding? More beauty?

Every time you choose peace in your own life, the world does indeed become a more peaceful place. One act, one person at a time.

Wishing you a week filled with excellent solutions.

Warmly,
Susan

Image by Cheryl Holt from Pixabay

Expect May Flowers

As if the angels had carpeted their floor
with the pelts of spring lambs,
woolly clouds covered the sky.
In the valley below, cattle,
free at last from their winter barns,
grazed on fresh grass, glad for the gifts
of the rain. April showers. Yes, let it be.
In May we shall have magnificent gardens.

April

Rain. Sun. Warmth. Snow.
It’s not easy giving birth to a new season.
You get fevers; you get chills.
All that life relentlessly pushing its way
into the world, unfolding its forms.
Oh, the winds here! Oh, the sky!
Oh, the song!

One Spring Morning

At first I thought it was snow.
It wouldn’t be the first time
snow’s fallen in April.
But no! It was a foamy cascade
of spring beauties, opened
all at once, overnight,
pouring down the hill
like the crest of a wave,
singing together
with the morning birds.

Spring Beauties

Gifts in Disguise

I live in a rural area, in a valley surrounded by high wooded hills. No cable. No satellite. No TV. Painfully limited radio and cell reception. Without the Internet, my access to the wider world essentially vanishes.

So when my Internet crashed, I was hurled into a suddenly shrunken world and an entire change of routine.

What a gift!

I didn’t have to see it as a gift. But I internalized the “make lemonade from lemons” outlook long ago. When I broke my right arm a few years ago, for instance, I sat in the ER thinking about how this would give me a chance to develop new skills with my left one. And it did, too!

So when my Internet failed, I decided right away that I would treat the episode as a vacation, an opportunity to view life from a new and different perspective while I waited for the revival of my connection.

It was great, and the timing was perfect.

It didn’t have to be that way. None of us likes to have our life’s plans and patterns unexpectedly interrupted in a major way. I could have gone Full Grump, big time.

I’m not bragging about my cultivated optimism. I just want to share that it’s possible to look for the good in anything that happens to you.

Sometimes that’s not an easy challenge. Life can deal some heavy blows. It can throw seemingly insurmountable obstacles in our paths. It comes with storms and thorns, with pain and loss. For all of us. No growth comes without resistance. Struggle is part of the package.

I got to do some extra reading while I was offline, and for the first time in a long time, I encountered a new answer to the question, “Why are we here?” Want to know what it was? “To learn what to do and what not to do.” That’s amazingly deeper and more profound than it may seem at first glance. Play with it a little this week and see how it clarifies things for you.

One of the things I’m grateful for learning to do is to look for the good in every situation. It allows me to live with much greater ease, and I’m discovering that living with ease is a skill that all of us can aspire to developing. Optimism helps.

And even though in some cases it takes a while to see it, goodness is always present. But you have to look for it, and expect it, and to be willing to recognize and claim it when it appears.

I’ll leave you with that for this week – with the hope that you’ll look for the good in your life, and increase in your ability to know what to do and what not to do, all with great ease and joy.

Warmly,
Susan

Image by Briam Cute from Pixabay

A Two-Minute Peace Break

With global tensions ratcheting up by the hour around the world, adding to the stresses that all of us face in our personal worlds, I thought I’d share with you a little two-minute practice that will return you to the present moment and let you experience an island of personal peace.

I learned it from Dr. Kirsten Neff’s talk on “Resilience and Self-Compassion” on YouTube where she demonstrates it. (https://youtu.be/xyjLKgfV7Sk) Here’s how it goes:

1. Hold your hands out in front of you and tightly clench your fists. Pay attention to the way you feel as you do this. Hold this gesture for a few seconds, allowing yourself really to feel it.

2. Now open your hands, relaxing them in an open position in front of you and notice how that feels. Again, give yourself the opportunity really to sink into the feeling.

3. Now spread your arms slightly and extend your hands, palms up. Again, allow yourself to fully feel how you feel now.

4. Finally, put one hand over the other and place them on the center of your chest, over your heart. You may want to close your eyes as you feel the gentle pressure and warmth. Maybe you’ll even become aware of the beating of your heart. Let yourself sink into what you’re feeling.

That’s all there is to it.

In the first step, many people say the gesture evoked feelings of anger, tension, or the feelings of self-criticism. Imagine you’re wrapping any negative emotion in your fists—any pain or disappointment or frustration. Clench your fists hard, allowing yourself to feel the full depth of what you’re suffering, the tightness of it.

In step two, experience letting go, as if everything your fists were holding is simply floating away, evaporating. People in Neff’s audience said this step let them feel a sense of openness and relaxation, a sense that they could stop fighting and breathe.

Next, when you open your arms and extend your hands upward, you’re likely to feel a sense of acceptance or welcoming. Or perhaps a sense of receiving whatever the moment is offering to you.

Then, when you place your hands over your heart and feel the warmth, you are allowing yourself to feel the soothing, the kindness, the comfort of self-compassion, of being completely okay, just as you are, and with life, just as it is.

This little two-minute peace break is worth memorizing. Do it a few times, then keep it in your pocket as a handy stress reliever any time you need it. After you have done it several times, you can even do it mentally when you’re in a public situation where you can’t physically move your hands.

Sometimes all it takes is a little break like this to restore your peace and perspective, opening you to renewed composure, confidence, and the ability to see new solutions.

Share it with a friend or family member if you like. You could even practice it together and share with each other the way it makes each of you feel. Not only will you be reinforcing the power of it for yourself, but you’ll have given a fine gift of instant relief to your friend. Self-compassion, after all, flows naturally to having more compassion for everyone. Cool how that works, huh?

You can find several more self-compassion exercises at Dr. Neff’s website, https://self-compassion.org/self-compassion-practices/ .
Pop over there and bookmark it. Visit it from time to time. It will unfailingly remind you that hey, you’re a human, and you deserve to hold yourself in caring and understanding.

Wishing you inner peace, no matter what.

Warmly,
Susan

susan@notesfromthewoods.com

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Seeking Coltsfoot

I walk past here every spring on a dirt road
that leads back to the hill where the coltsfoot grow.
I come to see them year after year,
up there, on the ridge above the reservoir.
In my mind I call this stretch the burial ground.
And look how full it is this year.
A wave of sorrow rolls through me.
I’m an admirer of trees.
But it doesn’t feel sorrowful here;
it feels still, and reverent
in this cool April air.
The trees that encircle the fallen ones
remind me of the way elephants
pay homage to their dead,
surrounding them with their wise peace.
I turn to the road that leads to the coltsfoot
and, climbing the hill, find them.
Happiness dances inside me.

When I go back down the hill
I meet an older couple walking the trail,
she with a walking stick, with two dogs
at their side. I show the woman where
the coltsfoot are and she sees them
and I tell her legend has it that when
Spring rides in on her pony, coltsfoot
grow in its tracks. She likes the tale.

Then there it is again.
I walk softly across this bog. Every year
I come here. Every year it is different.
Every year it’s the same.