Category: Sunday Letters

Well, here we are, a third of the way into November, about to plunge headlong into the holiday season, with all of its stresses and joys.

Before it gets into full swing, I thought I’d share with you a quick and easy practice you can adapt to ensure that your time is rich and full and your stresses no more than tiny bumps in the road.

Ready? Okay, here goes.

Choose Your Theme

The first thing you want to do is decide on a theme for the upcoming weeks. What feelings or attitudes would you most like to have filling you as you travel to the year’s end?

Would you want to be flowing with gratitude? Ease? Kindness? Contentment?

Would you want to feel inspired most of the time? Creative? Appreciative? Energetic?

Pick two or three of your favorite feelings or attitudes and write them down as your theme. Then say to yourself, right out loud, “My intention is to be filled with ___________ and _________ .”

Install It In Your Mind

Next, take a couple minutes to remember a time when you felt each of your chosen feelings or attitudes and let yourself experience feeling them now as fully as you can.

Maybe you’ll remember where you were and what you were doing when you felt that feeling before.

Maybe you’ll notice a little smile on your face as you call the feelings or attitudes to mind.

Maybe you’ll simply feel the depth and strength of them

Once you’re experiencing a clear memory of each of your chosen feelings, name them out loud, one at a time, as you pat the heart region of your chest three times. “Thankful. Thankful. Thankful.” Then do it with the next feeling.

Take It to the Park

Super. Now you have installed your intention. And it only takes two small actions to activate and strengthen it daily.

1^st As soon as you wake in the morning, remember your intention, repeating it to yourself, saying it out loud. “My intention is to be filled with __________ and _________ today.”

2^nd As you go through your day, do this little PARK exercise to reinforce and nurture it. (PARK it any time you think of it, or on the hour, or before each meal.) Here’s how:

P – Pause in whatever you are doing, momentarily setting it aside.

A – Become Aware. Allow yourself to become aware of the present moment.

Do a quick body scan and let go of any accumulated tension. Notice the data your senses are bringing to you: What are you seeing? Hearing? Smelling? Tasting? What is your skin feeling? How’s your posture? Your breathing?

If you like, you can also do a quick review of how you spent the past hour and acknowledge yourself for it.

You can do all of this very effectively in a matter of a few seconds. Or stretch it out as long as you like, enjoying the way this break relaxes and refreshes you.

R– Remember. Remember that the purpose of this exercise is to energize your intentions. Briefly touch your heart center and let the beautiful feelings of your intention fill your awareness for a moment. Feel how alive they are within you, quietly guiding you. (If you’re in circumstances where you would be uncomfortable touching your heart center, simply focus your attention there.)

K – Keep on. Return your attention to whatever you were doing or would like to do next.

That’s it. Choose two or three feelings as your theme for the remainder of the year, install your intention to be immersed in them, do a morning reminder when you wake and practice PARK as you go through your day.

This practice has been one of the favorites of my coaching clients, by the way. I hope you’ll give it a try and experience the sense of well-being that it can bring you.

Wishing you beautiful intentions!

Warmly,
Susan

^{Image by Mircea Iancu from Pixabay}

Given the way that tensions are ratcheting up for those of us who live in the US as we enter the last days before our Presidential election, I thought I’d share with you a little exercise you can do to help you recover your inner peace if it gets disturbed. I call it “R&R.”

In military lingo, ”R&R” stands for “rest and recuperation,” and that’s a fine way to deal with stress—to rest from it so your mind and body can normalize. But in this exercise, “R&R” stands for “Release and Receive.”

It’s a kind of first-aid or emergency exercise you can use whenever you notice that you’re feeling an upsetting negative response to a situation or remark.

Here’s how you do it:

Step I: Release

First, notice where the feeling is located in your body. Is it in your chest? Your throat? Your belly? Your shoulders?

Next, find a way to describe it to yourself. Is it hot or cold? Is it solid, or liquid or gaseous? What color is it? How dense is it? 

Is it in motion? Is it, for example, throbbing? Or is it still, like a rock? Try to get a good, clear sense of what this negative sensation really feels like.

Once you have it described, see if you can name it. Is it anger? frustration? Sadness? Disgust? Hurt? Disappointment? Fear? Some combination of those?

 If you can’t identify the emotion, give the feeling any name to remember it by, like “Sally” or “Fred,” (No offense to any Sallys or Freds out there!) in case you want to call it up for a conversation later.

Now imagine that you’re pulling it, the whole negative feeling, from your body and placing it the palm of your hand. Raise it up so you’re eye to eye with the feeling and can have a talk with it.

Tell it that you know it’s trying to serve you in some way but that you can’t give it the attention it deserves right now, so you’re going to send it to the Wait Space (a little space in a back corner of your mind). Then curl your fingers over it and squeeze it down into a tiny little speck. Now open your palm and gently blow it away.

This completes the “Release” part of the exercise. You can, by the way, do it very quickly. You can even do it completely in your imagination if you are in circumstances where you can’t easily hold the feeling in your hand. But do it as thoroughly as your situation permits.

Step II: Receive

Once you have blown your negative feeling away to the Wait Space, keep your palm open and face up.

Imagine a stream of refreshing comfort, understanding, forgiveness, and peace flowing into it, and from there, into your whole being.

Bonus: The Conversation

To get the maximum benefit from this little exercise, follow up when time permits by having a little conversation with the negative feeling you parked in the Wait Space.

First, open your palm and invite the feeling that you sent to the Wait Space to return. Feel it land on your palm and lift it to where you can comfortably talk with it.

Begin by thanking it for caring so much about you and your values that it made itself so big and loud. Ask it if it has anything that it wants to tell you about why the situation seemed so important and what it wanted for you.Then listen for whatever insights might present themselves.

Ask it if it has anything more that it wants you to know. And when it is finished showing or telling you all that it wants to share, ask if it’s okay for you to let it go now, thank it again, and watch it dissolve away.

This follow up lets you receive the lessons to be learned from the upsetting situation. It can provide you with truly meaningful insights about what happened, why you responded the way you did, and how you might respond in a more effective and helpful way in similar situations that come along.

You may find it worthwhile to do a little run-through with the process right now, recalling a past upset or an imaginary confrontation of some kind. That will make it more real for you and help you install it in your mind as a helpful tool to pull out when it’s needed.

Many of us have deeply held beliefs that we have attached to candidates, parties, or issues in the upcoming election. And it’s our tendency as humans to seek out evidence for our beliefs and to identify with them.

Remember that someone who has chosen to attach his or her beliefs to an opposing side may very well, at the core of things, want the same things you do: well-being for us all. 

Each of us can see differing paths for achieving the same ends, and the fact is that if people truly knew how to attain the world of goodness, fairness, and peace for all – the world that we all want – we would have already built it. Right now, we’re all struggling toward it together in a big trial and error dance.

Share your ideas with each other. But bear in mind that vehement arguing does little to persuade. And by all means, please vote.

Then, knowing you have done all that you can do to influence the outcome, return your focus to living the values that lie at the heart of your choices. 

Radiate loving kindness and remember, no matter how things may sometimes seem, each of us can be a source of light and comfort in our personal worlds.

Wishing you a week of calm and peace, regardless of the turmoil that surrounds us.

Warmly,
Susan
susan@notesfromthewoods.com

^{Image by Manfred Antranias Zimmer from Pixabay}

“Climbing up the mountain,” the man said, “you can count the number of water heaters that you see in the debris. That gives you an idea of how many people upstream have lost their houses.”

*              *              *

From behind the house a thundering sound crashes down the mountain. You run to the balcony to see an avalanche of mud and trees and doors and roofs and lumber roaring down the creek not 100’ below your house. Torrents of rain have transformed your yard into a lake, and it’s rising.

“Mommy! Mommy!” your 7-year-old screams, running to you and wrapping her arms around your legs. You see the neighbor’s truck from up the hill tumble by in the mud cascade.

The house is shaking as if it’s in an earthquake. You wrap your arms around your daughter and lead her to the fireplace, thinking maybe it will stand and support this part of the house.

“Stay here,” you tell her as the power fails. The house is dark and the only sound is the roar of turbulent mud washing away the world. You rush to get your cell phone and a blanket from the couch and snuggle next to your daughter, wrapping the blanket tight around both of you. You try to call 911 but there’s no signal.

*              *              *

I’ve watched dozens, maybe hundreds of videos in the wake of Hurricanes Helene and Milton, trying to get a clear picture of the extent of its impact and to learn how on earth people were coping with the unimaginable situation they faced.

Members of my own family were in Milton’s path. Thankfully, they are all okay and escaped irreparable damage. But I felt the sting of apprehension as the storm neared them, sending tornadoes across their city.

I’ve been heartened by the preparations and responses I’ve seen in Florida. While the destruction they face is impossible to assess yet and rebuilding with be a monumental effort, an organized response is in place.

The situation in western North Carolina is another story. The region is inland, not subject to hurricanes. The residents had no reason to expect what was about to befall them could ever happen.

The scene I described at the start was lived out by countless mountain families. And for many days, they were without help, stranded, with no power, no plumbing or running water, no cell phones, no internet, no radio, no transportation and a landscape torn to shreds and heaped with debris.

Some may still be waiting for rescue. Rivers now flow twenty feet from where they were before and are clogged with debris. Roads and bridges are washed out. Whole little towns have vanished.

The situation is different in North Carolina than it is in Florida. With no experience to draw from. the response is more haphazard and spontaneous. The locals have banded together and are working out what needs to be done and how they can do it. The obstacles are enormous.

To complicate matters, cold weather is setting in, and families have lost literally everything but the clothes on their backs. It’s been below freezing at night already.

Donations are pouring in. Local folks are organizing them, mostly setting up centers in churches, and they’re working on ways to get the supplies to those who so desperately need them.

On November 2 a large number of churches will be taking a second load of supplies up the mountains with a team of pack mules. The man describing the effort paints a clear and chilling overview of the situation and its challenges in his YouTube video, “Western NC update. OPERATION MOUNTAIN RELIEF” (He’s the man who made the statement about the water heaters in the debris.)

If you click “more” in the description below the video, he gives information about how you can donate and what is needed. Take the time to watch it. He plainly explains what’s real for the people there.

It’s not too late to organize a little collection effort of your own and get a donation into his hands. And it’s never too late to enclose both those who suffer and those who help in your prayers,

Congressman Chuck Edwards, Representative from North Carolina’s 11^th District, also has a web page listing places that are accepting donations and listing what items are most needed. It lists the phones you can call to see what their current needs are and how to get contributions to them, however small.

Events are moving fast in our world. It’s easy to lose sight of events that happened two days ago, let alone a couple weeks before.

But sometimes events cry out for our continued attention. Give some of your attention to the people who need help, those in the North Carolina mountains and to those around you. After all, as James Crew’s poem “Neighbors” says, “Kindness is what keeps us alive.”

May you have a blessed week.

Warmly,
Susan

^{Image by Jack Drafahl from Pixabay}

How can we keep our balance and our sanity when the world seems insane? 

I’ve been asking myself that question all week as I watched the news about the devastation wrought by Hurricane Helene.

Then, as I sat down to gather the thoughts I want to share with you, I learned that a second storm is heading for Florida and is predicted to reach hurricane level before reaching landfall mid week.

And that’s not the only news coming across the airwaves. I’m hearing of intense missile attacks on Israel as I write.

We live in perilous times.

In the face of all that we’re confronting, I want to share two pieces of practical advice that I hope will be of value to you.

Facing Emergencies

The first is about what to do when you’re personally confronting an emergency. I read it in a book on self-hypnosis I borrowed from the library when I was a kid.

“Memorize this,” the book said. “Repeat it over and over whenever you can. Then it will be there for you when you need it.”

I did what it said, and I can truly say that it probably saved my life more than once. It’s a little chant that goes like this:

Relax.

Think Fast.

Do What is Necessary.

Please commit those simple words to memory. And practice releasing tension from all your muscles as you do. See what it feels like to be relaxed and totally aware of your surroundings at the same time.

(As a bonus, I’ll add a bit of counsel from Fred Rogers. “Whenever you’re in trouble,” he said. “Always look for the helpers.” That’s one worth tucking in your pocket, too.)

Dealing with Catastrophe

The second offering I have for you is about how to get through life when the world seems to be collapsing all around us.

Back when the Twin Towers were destroyed in 2001, one of the pioneers in the field of positive psychology took a look at how her students had fared during the crisis.

She found that they fared well. They had learned that it was healthy to be honest with themselves about their feelings and they paid attention to their sorrow, and shock, and grief.

But they also payed attention to the acts of courage, and heroism, and kindness that they saw and gave emphasis to them in their recall of the events. 

They looked to their personal strengths and found ways to use them to help themselves and others deal with the trauma.

Resiliency is founded in paying attention to the needs of those around us and to giving comfort and help where we can.  

The key is to lean into the wind of misfortune and let it awaken us to our shared humanity, to offer assistance where we can, to lend our strength to the weak, and to dare to believe in our strength and resilience. Because they’re real, you know. Humans find ways to rise to the challenges before them.

I stumbled on a quote this week that said, “It is what it is . . . but it will become what you make of it.”

Whatever situation you’re facing, whether it’s painful empathy for the misfortunes of others or for misfortune of your own, you can use the situation to find and express the highest and best in yourself. And remember, the highest and best is always rooted in love—for yourself, for your fellow beings, for the gift of life itself in all its pain and all its glory.

May you be safe and well.

From my heart,
Susan

^{Image by Edyta Stawiarska from Pixabay}

It was a beautiful week here in western Pennsylvania. September quickly brought summer to an end and is ushering in what promises to be a colorful autumn.

The goldenrod is glowing in the fields, and the leaves are beginning to fall. They crunch beneath your feet as you walk down a sidewalk or, if you’re lucky, down a woodland path.

The beauty was a comfort to me as day after day brought difficult news both from up close and afar. As one friend wrote, describing a devastating setback, “When a dream breaks, it hurts.”

Yes. It does. Life holds frightening, disappointing and painful times for us all. Sometimes it hurts almost more than we can bear.

The only healing salve I ever found for that kind of pain is kindness.

I learned that from Tara Brach, an American Buddhist and psychologist. “Say to yourself,” she advises, “’this is suffering. Everybody suffers. May I be kind.’”

Be kind. You never know what burden someone is carrying in silence. But above all, be kind to yourself.

When you’re in pain, recognize that what you are experiencing is universal; everyone suffers. You’re not alone in your suffering.

Part of self-compassion means you set aside, at least for the moment, your longing to have things be different than they are. Accept that you are hurting. Accept that you are angry, or deeply disappointed, or in pain, or that you feel abandoned or betrayed.

Accept that those feelings are part of being human and that it’s okay to feel them right now. Hold yourself as tenderly as you would hold a crying child.

Know, too, that all suffering is temporary. It exhausts itself, all of its own accord. It may return; it may come in waves. But always, it exhausts itself and finally gives way to a new perspective, and you go on.

Life isn’t static. It carries us into new circumstances at every moment. And at every moment, it offers us comfort and peace. As soon as we are ready to receive them, life’s gifts are there, waiting for us. And they wait with patience and love until we can be ready.

Sometimes it’s as simple as letting go of the story you’re telling yourself about how awful things are, and of waking up to the broader reality. Sometimes it takes a good meal, or a good night’s sleep, or some time with an understanding friend. Sometimes it takes a new idea, a willingness to try something new.

And sometimes it just takes the passage of time.

But whenever you’re ready, the side of life that’s good and beautiful will be waiting to meet you. Keep your faith in life alive.

Life can hurt, and life can be exquisitely beautiful. Go with the flow, shouting out, “What a ride! Oh, Thank You! What a ride!”

Wishing you a week of sunshine and good fortune.

Warmly,
Susan

^{Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay}

We live in stressful times, in a stressful, conflicted world. But the most significant part of that reality is contained in the first two words you just read—“We live.”

The quality of our lives, although impacted by external events, isn’t determined by them. How much goodness, and beauty, and truth we experience in our lives depends on how open we are to recognizing them and to creating them in our individual lives.

Happiness opens us to seeing broader vistas. But it’s not only we ourselves who are enriched by allowing more happiness into our lives. Happiness is contagious.

Happiness radiates out from us and affects everyone we encounter. It wakes people up. It encourages them. It makes them feel connected and validated.

Each person who finds happiness in life moves the whole world in a more positive direction.

Over the past nine weeks, we visited each of the nine choices that happy people make in their lives. Looking at them together, we can see that each of the choices supports and builds the others. 

What all nine choices have in common, is that all of them are rooted in the awareness that the choice is ours to make.

1. The first one is intention, a commitment to allow more authentic happiness into your life. This is the central choice around which all the others revolve.

Happy people begin their days by recalling their intention to find the juice in every situation the day brings. They imagine their plans unfolding well and benefiting everyone concerned. They expect happy outcomes.

2. The second choice, accountability, is a commitment happy people make to choose from all the viewpoints and alternatives available throughout the day the ones that are most in harmony with their genuine needs and desires.

In order to build more happiness into their lives, happy people make a choice to recognize for themselves what brings them joy, or pleasure, or satisfaction, or a feeling of well-being and peace.

3. Happy people work at noticing and naming for themselves what enriches them. Identifying the kinds of things that uplift you lets you know where to invest your energy and time.

4. The fourth choice, centrality, is a choice to make the things that enrich you central to your life.

You commit to giving those things priority over activities that hold lesser value for you. You learn to say no to the things that don’t matter in order to say yes to your honest desires.

5. Recasting is the choice to find new paths to happiness when your life is struck by misfortune. It’s remembering that you and you alone are accountable for your happiness. You determine to recast your attention toward positive possibilities regardless of the setbacks that life sometimes brings.

6. Happy people keep their options open. They look for alternative ways to create a sense of well-being or to achieve an important end when their original plans are blocked. They adopt the attitude that when there’s a will, there’s a way. They look for opportunities, or create them.

7. Happy people choose appreciation as a primary orientation toward life. They actively look for, and express, things to appreciate in their circumstances and in others—even those times or people who seem difficult or distasteful.

They look for qualities to appreciate in the current moment, in their surroundings, in their activities, in the company at hand.

8. Because they’re appreciative of the people, things, and events in their lives, happy people are giving. They share their talents and strengths, their wisdom and knowledge, their time, energy, goods, and money freely, with a sense of gladness, from the core of happiness in their hearts.

9. Finally, happy people unfailingly choose truthfulness as a fundamental guiding force in their lives. Knowing that truthfulness is the foundation for genuine intimacy with others—as well as for genuine personal authenticity—they choose to be honest and to live with integrity.

Few of us make all of these choices consistently. We all have our off days, our stretches of darkness. But as with all ways of being, we get better at what we practice. Practicing the choices for happiness allows them to come more and more freely and naturally all the time.

The key is being honest with yourself about wanting greater ease and contentment in your life and then making a real commitment to allow it. That commitment means you remind yourself every day that you are by nature happy, that you intend to let happiness play a central part in your life from now on.

Then you make the choices that foster happiness. For your own sake, and because your happiness makes the world a better place.

Wishing you a week of happy choices. Beginning right here, right now.

Warmly,
Susan

^{Image by Pexels from Pixabay}

Well, here we are at the final, and in many ways, most fundamental choice that happy people universally make: the commitment to be truthful with themselves.

They’re truthful with others, too, of course. But happiness springs from their choice to be honest with themselves—about what they truly think, and feel, and need, and want, and value ,and believe.

It’s not as easy as it sounds. It takes courage and a willingness to look at the difference between what you’re pretending and what is genuinely real for you.

Think about an area of your life where you’re experiencing some difficulty. Then try this exercise: Say to yourself, “I’m pretending that . . .” and describe how you’re not being authentic. Then say, “But the truth is . . .” and see if you can dig down to a new clarity.

We fall into pretending for a lot of reasons. We buy into our stories or the stories our family or culture tells.

We obey programmed “shoulds.” We give in to fears of embarrassment, shame, disapproval, rejection and judgment.

We assume that in order to be a good person we have to put the needs of disadvantaged others above our own.

We tell ourselves that we’re being kind or gracious by holding back on our own desires. In reality, when we’re truthful about our own needs and desires, we empower others to be truthful, too, and that gives us a greater chance for meeting everyone’s needs.

Even difficult truths can be spoken with tact and consideration. And even when we don’t say them perfectly, we’re affirming the importance of honesty in our relationships when we try.

Honesty, especially with yourself, is the bedrock foundation of happiness, and the only path to genuine intimacy with others. It’s the quality that provides you with the third “C” of happiness—centeredness—because the voice at your center is the voice of your truth.

You can’t know who you really are without listening for that truth. Self-honesty is the very core of authenticity.

Lack of honesty leads to tension, distancing from others, lack of motivation, burnout, fatigue, even illness.

Without truth, trust can’t exist. You can’t rely on your own judgment when you’re not honest with yourself about what you value, what you feel and think, what matters to you. And others can’t rely on you either.

But know what’s true for you and you become a pillar of strength and trustworthiness both to yourself and others. You know where you stand, and so does everyone else. You can be counted on; you’re reliable.

Honesty is highly attractive to others. More than that, you’ll feel an inner harmony that nothing but the truth can give you.

We grow as we experience life, of course, and our truths can evolve or change over time.

 Happy people learn to pay continuous attention to their inner sense of truth to find new layers and new dimensions of it. What do I really believe? What do I genuinely want? What do I need? How do I really feel? Am I pretending?

These are the questions they ask, fearlessly listening for the answers, following truth’s light, and shining that light into the world.

Next week, we’ll put all nine choices for happiness together and see how they work as a synergistic whole.

Until then, I wish you fresh winds of honesty and a fascinating week.

Warmly,
Susan

^{Image by Viktoriya Yu from Pixabay}

Have you ever noticed that feeling you get when you do something for somebody else? That little lift you get? That little burst of energy?

It’s such a clean, strong feeling, even when it only lasts a second or two. That’s what giving does for us. The boost it generates is life’s way of telling us that easing the way for someone else makes us happier, too.

That’s what “the golden rule” is all about. Treating others the way you’d want to be treated makes for increased happiness all the way around.

We’re happy when others help us when we need it, and when can help others, we’re made happier, too.

Giving stimulates our sense of our capability. When we respond to somebody’s need we feel connected to our hearts, the place from which giving rises,

Happiness researchers Foster and Hooks have this to say about giving:

“True giving, radiant giving, comes from the same inner place as deep happiness.  It’s a desire to share our personal sense of worth and values. 

“It’s having the self-esteem to feel that what we have to offer is valuable—our advice, wisdom, expertise, skills, physical labor. 

“The manner in which we give these gifts is a reflection of who we are.”

That’s a very special way of giving.  It’s not giving from a sense of obligation, and especially it’s not giving from a sense of guilt or as a compensation for feeling unworthy in some way.  It’s giving for the sheer joy and beauty of giving; it’s giving from a full heart.

The highest level of giving, Foster and Hicks say, is giving in a way that helps other people live better, more independently and more effectively.  

They found that many of the happy people they studied volunteered time in their communities working for causes they considered worthwhile. Some acted as mentors. Some spent time counseling family or community members.

Sometimes their giving was the habitual performance of kindnesses, stepping up whenever they saw a way to fill a need or to ease someone’s way.  Sometimes they simply offered encouragement or gave appreciation to others, or brightened others’ days with a genuine smile.

Happy people, Foster and Hicks say, “give because it is a decree of their heart, letting their internal sense of contentment and joy overflow into the world.”

One of the most fulfilling ways to give to others is simply to share what you love.  Share your passions.  Whether you’re into music or carpentry, reading, gardening, exercising, playing chess—whatever you love, engage somebody else in it. 

The opportunities for giving are endless.  It’s simply a matter of being aware of them.  Learn to find them by asking yourself, “What can I offer?”  “How can I help?”  “Whose life can I support?”  “Whose day can I brighten?”

Share your skills, your knowledge, your emotional support, material items, money or time.  Give of them freely, with joy, and you’ll find the giving returns more rewards than you could ever anticipate.

It builds bonds.  It creates trust.  It enhances life both for the recipient of your sharing and for you. 

As a tool for enriching your happiness, it ranks as one of the most powerful.  Make a point of noticing your giving this week and watch what happens inside you.

Wishing you a week of happy-hearted giving!

Warmly,
Susan

^{Image by Harish Sharma from Pixabay}

I looked at my list of tasks as my friend and I entered the store. Shopping for groceries was only our first stop of several. I was mentally planning our itinerary when my friend suddenly stopped one step into the produce section.

“Look,” she said waving her hand to encompass the whole scene. “Everything we need to live is here.”

Her comment shot me back into the moment. In the center of the floor stood several large tables brimming with colorful produce. On one, tomatoes and onions, shiny bell peppers, ruffled heads of lettuce and ears of sweet corn. On another, bunches of red and green grapes and peaches, apples and pears. Each table’s contents were arranged with artful care. On lighted shelves behind them relishes and cheeses, specialty items, salads and drinks beckoned.

“I love the way you notice things like that,” I told my friend. She has a real knack for appreciation, one of the choices for happiness we all can make.

The key is noticing what you value.

She notices how things are designed, how they work. She goes through the world with an appreciative heart, and points out the cleverness of a tool’s design, the quality of materials, the efficiency or kindness of someone’s act, and says so.

Happy people are like that. They look for things to value in the present moment. That’s a key: Looking for what’s valuable right now, in the immediate present. What’s good here? What’s true? What’s beautiful? What’s alive in me right now?

Embracing the Contrasts

One way to do this is to look at your life as if it’s a movie, and the present moment is the movie’s current scene.

It may not be a pleasant one; it might be a tragedy or drama. But you can still appreciate it as a scene in your unique life—being fully conscious of what’s occurring, fully aware of what you’re experiencing and embracing it as a part of the totality of your life.

Genuinely happy people don’t deny life’s sorrows and disappointments. They appreciate the reality of them and experience their meaning and depths. But they equally embrace life’s delights and moments of beauty and goodness.

They’re aware of the contrasts that make up life’s diversity, and of the way the contrasts contribute to life’s richness and mystery.

Because of their total immersion in their lives, happy people learn that no experience is wholly good or wholly bad. It’s all a mix. And all of it contains something to be appreciated once you choose to see it.

Sharing the Good Stuff

Happy people actively look for things to appreciate in others and they share their appreciation in words. They let others know when they see their good qualities in action—their humor, their kindness, their courage, their creativity.

Sometimes they appreciate how well someone deals with their struggles and fears. And because they share what they appreciate in others, they build stronger relationships—in their workplaces, with their children, with their partners, and with friends.

They even disarm their adversaries by expressing sincere appreciation of their strengths. “Well done!” “Good move!”

They brighten the day for strangers by mentioning something the other has done well. “That was so kind of you!” “You packed that so efficiently!”

You never know when a simple comment will entirely change someone’s day.

As poet Elizabeth Barret Browning said, “Earth’s crammed with heaven.” Turn up your sense of appreciation this week and prove for yourself the truth in her words. You might just find your world transformed.

Warmly,
Susan

^{Image by Dhanesh Damodaran from Pixabay}

Remember when I invited you to measure your happiness quotient at the start of July?

How are you doing so far? Take a quick inventory and find out.

If you want to up your supply, one of the best things you can learn from genuinely happy people is to keep your options open.

You might think you’re limited by your age, responsibilities, circumstances, finances, or health, but the truth is you have countless options for expanding your happiness every single day.

The trick is to keep an eye out for them, and to risk grabbing the ones that wink at you as they appear.

One choice that happy people make is the choice to be free to try something new, even if it might make them look or feel silly, even if it violates their “shoulds,” even if it’s not “realistic” (and maybe especially if it’s not).

They ask themselves “What if?” and “Why not?”

They hone their curiosity.

They’re not locked in by plans, or by fears.

They’re flexible and daring.

They’re more driven by exploring life’s offerings and possibilities than by toeing the line in order to achieve an imagined security or success.

They trust life enough to let the conclusions take care of themselves.

Hunting for Happiness

Sometimes the something new starts with a new viewpoint, with asking, “How else can I look at this?” or “What opportunities are here?” or “How can I turn this into an adventure, or make it interesting or fun?”

Happy people cultivate a sense of play.

They teach themselves to see what they were viewing as a limitation as a challenge to their creativity instead.

For happy people, life is an art form, and they are the artists.

Dancer and choreographer Agnes de Mille said, “Living is a form of not being sure, not knowing what’s next or how. The moment you know how, you begin to die a little. The artist never entirely knows. We guess. We may be wrong, but we take leap after leap in the dark.”

Happy people don’t expect all their choices to turn out well. But they expect to grow from each of them, to learn, to be enriched by all that they experience.

They know that the joy is in the journey, in taking the leaps.

Taking the Risk

Looking for options keeps us from living on auto-pilot.

It opens a view of possibilities, moment to moment to moment.

Asking “What are my choices?” keeps us aware and alive.

Refuse to accept the lie that you have no choice.

You always do.

Happy people teach themselves to look outside the box, to deviate from their routines.

They learn to risk letting go of preconceived notions and of caring what anyone else thinks about the choices they make for themselves.

I have a poster on my wall that says, “Trust Your Crazy Ideas.” I think that’s great advice.

Crazy ideas can turn out to be the start of learning a whole new skill, or of meeting new people and making new friends.

They can lead to the discovery of a talent you hadn’t known you possessed, of discovering treasures and wonders you had no idea were right around that next corner.

Happiness experts Foster and Hicks say “Every new day presents the potential for relationships, education, personal growth, professional development and just plain fun.”

What calls you? What crazy new idea could you try?

What if?

Why not?

Keep on the lookout for new options—moment after moment, day after day.

They’re in front of you right now.

Next week I’ll share with you one of my favorite keys to increased happiness, one of the most beautiful ones. Stay tuned!

Warmly,
Susan

^{Image by Mohamed Hassan from Pixabay}