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A Change of Scene

It’s seriously autumn now. The trees are quickly losing their leaves, building a winter quilt on the earth below. But their colors have suddenly appeared and are reaching their vivid peak as I write. This is the season when I turn my attention to the sky. I live in the woods, and in summer the leaves block out the sky. But when the leaves go, the sky returns. Ah, I say to myself as I notice it, winter is coming.

“I think its going to be a tough one,” I say to the trees and critters around me. They seem to agree. We’ll get through it as best we can, as always.

That’s nice, the always of things. No matter what happens, what turns, what rises and falls, we’ll do the best we can, as we always have, regardless of the nature and speed of the changes. We endure. The part of ourselves that matters.

I look at the old maple up on the hill. It will stand there, its branches bare and exposed to sleet and winds all the winter through, its children gone. But a squirrel has built a fine nest on the far end of that limb up there. See? I think the tree likes that.

My kitchen smells of spices. I baked a pumpkin bread with cranberries today. Its fragrance fills the whole house. I’m letting myself fall into the season’s spell. I open myself to appreciating its textures and colors, its fragrances and change of light.

Nevertheless, the heaviness of the time that’s upon us now doesn’t escape my notice. We all feel the weight of it. It has a certain quality of strain about it, as if we’re all expecting something momentous, some great clarity, suddenly to appear. It reminds me to pay attention. To this moment. The big of it, the depth.

I continue to remember to play “Watch and let go.” The game reminds me how much time we all spend in trances, lost in our mental movies. That, too, is something you can see and then let go, and then watch to see what’s coming along now. Because now is always unfolding. It never sits still. And it doesn’t have any edges either. You ever notice that? How time flows so seamlessly from one scene to another, one season to another, one decade . . . We float between wakefulness and trances and sleeping all the time, through dreams and memories, hopes and plans. And then all of a sudden we find ourselves looking with surprise at the reality of the material world around us, this place of complex mystery that we all share, this, our platform for action. Life is such an amazing place.

As you settle in to the season now showing outside your door, may you find as you watch and let go, and watch and let go, again and again and again, that you find the rhythm of it pleasing so that joy may dance at your side.

Warmly,
Susan

Cause for Celebration

For the second time in two weeks, I found myself in the Emergency Department of the local hospital. This time, it was because I had been running an unexplained high fever for three days.

Before I left, I had a diagnosis and with antibiotic fluids pumped into me, my fever broke, and I realized with great joy that I was actually going to live. It took a while to climb back to full strength, but every sunrise seemed a precious gift, and I reveled in the ordinary, glad for every wisp of it.

Now, here I am, delighted to be writing my Sunday Letter to you, and this on a day of double celebrations for us all. First, there’s the arrival of summer, the most luxuriant season of them all. And second, it’s Father’s Day.

My own dad holds a very special place in my heart. Remembering him fills me with an overflowing love. I hope that’s true for you, too.

I ran across a piece I wrote about fathers a few years back about the special role fathers play in our lives. It’s called, “Why Fathers Matter,” and I think it’s worth repeating on this Father’s Day…

Why Fathers Matter

Sadly, in our throw-away culture, one of the things that’s increasingly being viewed as disposable is fathers. According to a recent study, if you take a survey of people between 22 and 37—prime child-bearing ages—and you’ll find that only about half of them think kids need both a mom and dad to grow up happily. But the truth is that fathers matter. A whole bunch. Clinical psychologist Jordan Peterson says that it’s demoralizing to grow up without a father in your life. You feel cast aside, as if you don’t matter much. Without a dad the world can seem a dismal place. “The good father,” he says, “helps you to become your best self.”

What Fathers Do For Us

Fathers are the encouragers in our lives. They’re the ones who say, “Go ahead! You can do it!” even when we’re pretty sure we can’t. They believe in our potential. They teach us to take risks, to try, to be daring, even in the face of fear.

They set limits and hold up standards, teaching us self-control and responsibility. And as Peterson says, it’s bearing responsibility that gives life its meaning.

Dads hold out expectations for us. They push us to excel. Feeling a father’s pride in your accomplishments helps you strive to do and be your best.

When I was growing up, I took piano lessons. And even when I felt I had mastered a piece of music, my dad would nod and smile and say, “Keep practicing. You’ll get it yet.” In time, I became good enough to place highly in competitions. Then I would get from him the words I longed to hear: “Good job.” And that meant more than any trophy or ribbon.

Unlike mothers, who tend to talk to us in our own language levels, Dads help us expand our vocabularies by talking with a broader, more adult range of words.

It’s the rough and tumble side of dads, who tickle and wrestle with us, who teach us sports and games and skills, that teaches us how to deal with the world head-on, to be independent and to assert ourselves. We learn from their roughhousing how to be resilient in the face of defeat, and how to brush defeat aside.

They tell us stories from their worlds that show us the positive value of competition and take us to new places that we wouldn’t dare go on our own. They instill confidence in us, support us, and help us feel secure.

They’re the ones who say, “Enough is enough!” teaching us about rules and about what it means to be moral and fair. It’s no wonder that kids with fathers do better in school, are more playful, and learn to use humor to cope with setbacks.

Fathers Matter

If you are fortunate enough to have had a father in your world, take time to tell him that he matters to you, that you’re grateful for all he has taught you. And if you’re a father, a step-father, or a father-figure in someone’s life, know that your role is not only important, but irreplaceable, and take pride in that. Dads make us better people and the world a better place.

Happy Father’s Day, you Dads out there. A father’s love is fierce, and sometimes it’s not an easy job, keeping the balance between being strong and being harsh. But that fierce love gives us our strength and courage. And as Peterson says, the world would be a much more dismal place without you.

Warmly,
Susan

Image by melindarmacaronikidcom from Pixabay