Ask yourself:
What would it be like to feel contented in my life?
What would it be like to feel capable of dealing with whatever comes along?
What would it be like to feel centered and at home with myself, where I felt free to choose whatever would bring me the greatest sense of well-being?
Two weeks ago I invited you to create dramatically heightened happiness for yourself. If you decided to play along, those are the questions you might have considered. (You can still choose to ask them of yourself now, if you like. The option to choose happiness never goes away.) They’re important questions to consider. They’re the ones that begin drawing you in the direction of a freer, more joyful life.
Once you roll those questions around and decide you want to taste more of this contented-capable-centered stuff, you’re ready to begin claiming it for yourself. And the first step to staking your claim is to set your intention to be happy.
To set an intention is different from wanting or wishing for something. It’s not the same as setting a goal. An intention is a decision you make, sincerely, about how you want to expand your experience of life to include more happiness. It’s a commitment, a ruling-out of all other options. It’s saying to yourself, “I’m choosing more happiness for myself, and I’m going to have it, by gum!” (“By gum,” if you haven’t heard that expression before, is something like “dagnabit.” It’s a from-your-gut statement of unmovable determination.”)
But the firmness of your intention doesn’t mean it should be a struggle. In fact, the intention to be happy is more like letting go of stress and struggle, of sinking into the ease of contentment. It’s a matter of allowing yourself to make little moment-by-moment adjustments, little choices for your well-being, as you go throughout your day.
Dr. Joe Dispenza, who teaches people how to create dramatic changes in their lives, explains that your intention has vigor when you combine it with the feelings you expect it to produce. So take some time to recall and savor how it felt when you were completely content, when you felt self-assured, when you felt grounded. It’s the emotion of happiness, this combination of contentment, capability, and centeredness, that carries your vision of happiness into your reality.
Here’s what you do: In the morning, before you open your eyes, think about what it would feel like to be happy as you go through the day ahead, at ease in it. Imagine how the activities you have planned for the day would be done by a contented, confident, centered person.
Happiness researchers Foster and Hicks suggest that one way you can do this is to think about the things you have planned for the day (finishing the report, doing the laundry, making the commute—whatever) and then say to yourself, “I intend to get the laundry done-and to be happy doing it.” Add the phrase “and to be happy doing it” after each activity you imagine yourself doing through the day.
You’re making a mental movie here in the moments before your day begins, a little video of the day ahead where you star in it as a confident, relaxed you, content to be doing whatever task is at hand, open and accepting of whatever comes your way. Imagine feeling completely at ease and centered. Feel the feeling of it.
Then, pay attention to the emotions that arise during the day—stress, irritation, frustration, disappointment—that anchor you to your old way of being and decide if they belong in your future. Remember what the feelings from your morning movie were like and see if you can let yourself sort of sink into them, the way that you would sink into a warm, welcoming pool.
Dr. Dispenza, in his YouTube video on Intention, says to notice what you’re thinking/feeling, and to practice maintaining your future feelings (the happiness you intend for yourself) continuously in order to build the new neural connections in your brain. “What you practice, you get good at,” the old saying goes. Your happier new life is something you move into by practicing it – both mentally and in your behaviors.
One way to turn things around when you find that you’ve slipped into a negative mood is to ask yourself what’s good about the moment and see how many things you can name.
Watch for little signs that you’re on the right path. They’ll pop up like surprising little notes of joy. Notice when you experience more happiness and how good it feels. Notice smiles as they spread across your face. Catch yourself laughing. Then, when you’re making the next morning’s “Movie of My Day,” incorporate those feelings into it and dare to turn it up a notch higher.
Make it an intention to keep practicing, to stay aware. Once you start getting those bright, little joy-flashes, you’ll never settle for humdrum again.
Wishing you a week of gentle, joyful smiles!
Next week, we’ll look at what it takes to stay on track.
Warmly,
Susan
Image by Vilius Kukanauskas from Pixabay
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