I ran across an article recently about the difference it makes in one’s career success to have a good natured personality. People who make other people feel good, it turns out, are not only well-liked, they tend to get compensated with higher earnings, regardless of their skill level. So keep flashing that great smile of yours, and do all those things you need to do keep yourself in tip-top shape. (You know–eat wholesome foods, drink enough water, get enough sleep and keep that body in motion.) You’re so much more fun to be around, after all, when you’re feeling really well.
But even if you’re feeling a bit dragged out, you can still lift others’ spirits. Practice looking someone right in the eyes and telling them something they did well that you noticed. Don’t simply compliment a trait like how nice they look or how smart or strong they are. Instead, specifically mention something that they did well, with efficiency, or thoughtfulness, with attention to detail, or with obvious effort or preparation, or with apparent ease or grace.
Practice on store clerks and waitresses, on your partner, on your kids. According to some recent research in positive psychology, this one skill generates strong positive emotions for both you and the person you noticed. It creates a feeling of genuine human bonding. We all like to be appreciated.
Just looking someone in the eyes and giving them a sincere smile can lift their mood, too—and yours. When a sincere compliment about someone’s actions doesn’t come readily to mind, practice this as “Step One,” while you work on noticing things that others do well.
A second skill you can practice to increase your value to others is to take time to listen attentively; it’s a rare skill, and it makes other people feel that they’re real for you. In fact, philosopher and theologian Paul Tillich says listening is “the first duty of love.”
Humor and optimism, of course, are fabulous spirit-lifting tools. Keep ‘em tucked in your pocket all the time. They can bring instant perspective and relief to a huge range of situations. You don’t have to be a comedian, just learn to see the humor in everyday life. I’ve found it great fun, especially when it’s one of those days when everybody around you seems a bit crazy, to imagine you’re all characters in a sit-com. It keeps you from getting caught up in the fray, and when you’re lightened-up, it subtly impacts everybody around you. As for optimism, as I wrote a couple weeks ago, just hold yourself open to the possibility that everything may work out just fine.
Notice. Listen. Be of good cheer. That’s the formula. Give it a try. After all, as the poet W.H. Auden said, “We are here to do good to others.” Then he added, “What the others are here for, I don’t know.”
I have a feeling Mr. Auden was well-liked.
Wishing you a generous, spirit-boosting week!
Warmly,
Susan
Image by CreativeMagic on Pixabay