Happy Endings

In face of the fact that anything can happen–anything!–I maintain that it’s wise to keep a space open for the possibility that things could turn out great. A twist of fate could drop good fortune on your path at any moment. A turn of events you could change your whole life.

Not that it has to rush in full speed all at once. It could. But there’s no rule saying it has to go that way. Good times could start tiny, with a happy little surprise, and just keep gradually getting better and better from there.

I think we have no idea how very good it could get. But it seems to me it’s a smart idea to be aware that things could go that way, whatever the odds. Personally, I like to imagine that I’m living in a wondrously good and beautifully designed world right now. I consider it practice, so I’ll be ready in case things get amazingly good really soon. For all I know, the good stuff started seeping in a while ago, and it was so quiet I didn’t even notice.

I’ve observed that it’s easier for us to build disaster scenarios than boundless-miracle ones, but I attribute that to all the toxins we swim in and ingest. Garbage in –>Garbage out. You gotta pay attention to what movies you’re playing in your mind, and to where your ideas are coming from. It’s good to get really interested in that. And, you know, it’s good to get interested in what you’re putting in your body, too. Same principle. Being a Joy Warrior means relentlessly pursuing happiness. The deep kind. The real kind. The kind that reeks of gratitude and peace. And you don’t get there by wallowing in sad stories and gobbling up junk. You get there by looking around to see what goodness might be lurking in the moment’s secret places. Sometimes when you look, you see that goodness is right there in front of you. And what a fun revelation that is! It’s like waking from a dream into a fresh, clear new world.

Sometimes I like to think of life as my personal science lab where I do research and experiments. Either things go the way I predicted, or suspected, or hoped they would go (Hooray! Hooray!), or they don’t. I either succeed or I learn. So whatever way it goes, I win.

That doesn’t mean the experiments are necessarily painless. It turns out that sometimes you learn the most when things go terribly wrong. This is the real world. You can’t walk around with rose-colored glasses on and expect to get a true picture of things. You would be cheating yourself out of whole swaths of the human experience. And the human experience is a deep, rich thing–a privilege, a gift to you. Dare to see the whole spectrum of things. Every time you notice something that injures or harms, push yourself to see something positive that balances it,

I have this personal saying, “Every now and then a moment comes along that makes all of the rest of them worth it.” I call those “golden moments.” They’ve been coming with increasing frequency, I notice. I wish you a bundle of them.

Hold open the possibility open that miracles may appear at any time. Because, for each and every one of us, they may. Be prepared. Start practicing now. It could make all the difference.

Sending you happiness bubbles.

Warmly,
Susan

Learning to Surf

I know it feels painful to discover that reality differs significantly from the image you had of it. We get so invested in what we believe to be true. We forget altogether that our beliefs are just that, and that the information on which we’re basing them may have limitations we hadn’t considered.

I admit, it’s hard to get your bearings here, the way everything keeps shifting and sliding and all. The best that any of us can do is to do the best we can do, moment to moment to moment. It’s like the famous poster from the 1960’s where you see a yogi-like figure in long robes on a surfboard riding an enormous wave. Across the photo in bold white letters is printed, “You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”

The world is giving us surfing lessons big-time now. And it feels like high tide. It’s part of the adventure of being here. We get to live all the drama from inside it.

By the way, did you ever watch somebody learn to surf? It isn’t a pretty sight. Or graceful. Or smooth. They fall a lot. Sometimes they get injured. Sometimes they even get killed. That’s the kind of adventure we’re in. We risk death every moment. Threats surround us from our very first breath, from before that even.

But here’s the thing. Most who are learning to surf succeed. They get the hang of it, of the unpredictability of the ride. They get the rhythm and flow of unexpected curves. For some, it becomes a kind of dance or meditation. For some it’s a challenge of skills, a grand game. But you only rise to those levels to the degree that you let go of fear. Most of us are just paddling around as best we can, scared of dying, trying to get enough balance to stand. Our big glory is that when we fall, we climb back on, regardless of our fears and regrets. And these days, that can be one mean feat.

I love that about humans–the way we keep getting back on the board, working at making it work, even against all odds. Even when we have no idea why. God bless us all.

And God bless you, individually–you, who’s reading this letter right now. These are bewildering times. Balance doesn’t come easy for any of us. We’re riding on storm-tossed seas.

It’s okay to be afraid. Useless, but okay. It’s okay to be sad, or angry, or miserable. Just get back on the board and keep paddling. Eventually you’ll rock with the waves, rolling over their crests and into their valleys as if you were born to do it. Because, obviously, you were.

It doesn’t have to make sense. It might be a long while before we’re in calm seas. Life isn’t going to be what you had imagined it would be. But it’s still your life, your chance to ride the waves. Kinda wild, isn’t it? Kinda outrageous.

Just hold on, and rock and roll.

Warmly,
Susan

Image by Kanenori from Pixabay.com

Rediscovering Awe

Awe: A moment where you’re stopped in your tracks and dare not move lest you disturb this trance of pure wonder and admiration at the immense perfection of it all. That’s a lot of words. You can’t really put the experience of being awe-struck into words, I guess, except maybe an exhaled “wow.”

I was looking at a list of positive emotions that’s pinned to my bulletin board when my eyes focused on the word “awe.” “Now there’s something I haven’t felt in a while,” I said to myself, licking my lips at the delicious memory of awe. I’d been so caught up in life’s drama that I forgot all about it.

So I pulled one of my favorite awe-invoking stories from the shelf where I keep it in my mind and paged through its richly illustrated pages.

The first thing I see as I open the story is vast and velvety star-studded space, like those pictures you see now and then from the Hubble telescope. All those nebula and everything, whirling in endless space.

Then I zoom in and find this one spiral galaxy and recognize it as the Milky Way, and it feels like home. Our sun is on one of its spirals. You can’t be sure which one because NASA itself says one thing on one page and another thing a few pages later. But it really doesn’t matter. Like the poet said, a rose is a rose . . . regardless of what you call it.

Anyway, somewhere on one of those sparkling arms is our sun, and there we are, on one of the planets dancing around it in its own little orbit, and oh look, it has a tiny little moon. And here we are, conscious beings, living on the surface of that planet that is so perfectly suited for life, and where life abounds on land, in the sea, in the air. And all the parts are related and interwoven with each other and necessary for each other in order for it all to exist.

And not only that! Have you ever read that description of how, if things had been different by only a little bit, it wouldn’t have been possible for the planet to support life, ever? Yet here we are.

On this planet dancing around a sun in the arm of spiral galaxy that’s one of many in a universe that just goes on and on.

And the specks of life that are human, in this little dancing atom of a world, can imagine all of that, and invent words like “awe” to describe how you feel when you think about that story.

I smiled and put the book back on its shelf. Awe was every bit as beautiful as I had remembered. You don’t have to have a complicated story to get to it. Anything that amazes you and makes you feel both big and small at once can put you there. A sunset. A baby. A concept. Music. A friend. A dog. A grain of sand. A tree.

It’s kind of neat how everybody gets to feel awe at one time or another. That in itself can push you into a little puddle of it. I like the way that awe puts me in touch with the mystery of it all, of our being here, wherever here is, capable of wonder, and despite all odds, alive.

Wishing you an awe-touched week, my friend.

Warmly,
Susan

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

Four Phrases–The Final Pair

Two weeks ago, we started our look at the four phrases “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.” We thought about what it meant to feel regret over something, and then what if meant to ask forgiveness. The final two phrases link together as organically as the first two did. “Thank you,” when said from the heart, always rides on the waves of love.

For me, after I’ve said, “I’m sorry. Please forgive me,” saying “Thank you. I love you.” is like walking through a door into a spacious room filled with glowing, pastel, dancing light. The Yes, however you conceive it, embraces you and infuses you with the comfort of its limitless love.

“Yes,” it beams to you on waves that flow into your heart and mind in a way that fills you with amazement and joy.

All because you said “Thank you.”

Imagine that!

Okay. Back here in the day-to-day world, our thank you’s aren’t generally quite that profound. We utter them out of courtesy, giving them hardly a thought, fulfilling the requirements of good manners. That’s kind of cool in itself when you think about it. We still have manners. We still want to connect with each other, to signal our respect for each other. “Thanks,” we say to strangers. “Thanks,” we say to co-workers and neighbors, to loved ones, to family, to friends. “Thanks,” we say to the morning, to the night, to the Yes.

I’ll tell you a hard truth, too. Sometimes it’s really difficult to think of a single thing for which you feel anything but a cursory gratitude. You have to work to name one single thing. You name something grudgingly, knowing you would be grateful for it if you were in a different mood. Know what that means? It means you need a nap.

But even when you’re worn, even when you don’t feel the gratitude in your heart, naming some things that you know you are thankful to have or to have experienced–just naming them–will impact you more deeply than you expected.

Practice is the key. Practicing just to see what happens. For fun. For curiosity’s sake. As an experiment. Just because you feel like it, for no particular reason at all.

I’m sorry.

Forgive me.

Thank you.

I love you.

That’s it. May it serve you well.

Warmly,
Susan

The Freedom of Forgiveness

Last week, we looked at the ways we’re enriched when we apologize for our errors. “I’m sorry” is one of the four phrases that, when said from the heart, brings healing and restoration.

I’m sorry.
Please forgive me.
Thank you.
I love you.

One recent tradition refers to the repetition of the four phrases as “cleaning,” an expression that feels right on target after you get some experience in using them. Some people use the four phrases to clean a room, for example, neutralizing and transforming heavy-feeling energies into lighter ones, raising the vibrations of the space. But primarily, home is the best place to start–the home where the core You lives.

This week’s phrase, “Please forgive me,” naturally follows “I’m sorry.” Forgiveness is what we need in order to make amends, to put our mistakes behind us. It’s what we ask for when we recognize our short-sightedness, our lack of thought, our defiance or disregard of a known better way.

Who we are asking to forgive us is a matter of personal world-view. Some address their plea to what they think of as their higher self or their better self. Some silently address their request to the hearts and minds of everyone involved. Maybe you ask God, or Source, the Great Yes, the Monitor of Mysteries. Direct your request to whatever holds the most meaning for you.

At its center, forgiveness is an act of compassion. It’s not really about whatever is being forgiven, whatever thought or word or deed. It’s about the person who did or failed to do the better thing. Forgiveness isn’t an act of justice; it’s an act of benevolence. Justice deals with the wrong action and seeks to find a suitable means to compensate for it. Forgiveness deals with the person who erred.

What you’re really saying when you ask for forgiveness is, “Please don’t hold this against me. Please look beyond it and see the whole of me.” When I ask for forgiveness, it’s my recognition that I am not this mistake. I acknowledge that I made it; but it is not who I am.

Asking for forgiveness is actually an act of personal responsibility, a realization that I, myself, am in charge of how I’ll feel about this mistake I made. I restore myself to greater wholeness when I allow myself to be forgiven. To accept forgiveness is to adopt a radical acceptance of what is, the whole of what is, not just this one stain. It’s a decision to remember the greater context for this moment that brought discomfort or pain, and to remember that the context is vast, many-faceted and many-layered.

That’s not to say that we should condone our mistaken acts. Right and wrong and good and bad are real. One choice enlarges life; one depletes it. One choice makes me larger; the other makes me small. When I can face the fact that I made a lesser choice, I can feel my disappointment in myself. I can sincerely say, “I’m sorry,” and then I can ask for the balancing grace that comes with accepting forgiveness.

Not allowing myself to ask for forgiveness is an act of perverted pride, thinking my error is too great to deserve forgiveness. It’s an attempt at self-punishment, as if recognizing the error for what it is doesn’t deliver sufficient pain. It’s a kind of auto-immune disease of the ego. And all it takes to heal it is to allow yourself to say, “I’m sorry. Please forgive me.”

Forgiveness is an act of kindness, an act of love. It allows you to set the gritty, brittle hardness of resentment aside, to be free to see more generous possibilities.

Forgiveness heals. It lets you get past the injuries and errors and move on. It bestows enhanced compassion for the errors of others, for the injuries others cause. When I see cruelty or maliciousness in the world, I can say “I’m sorry,” on behalf of all mankind for the blindness that still besets us. I can say “Please forgive us,” and free myself to think, instead, of ways that I can bring more harmony into the world.

Forgiveness frees.

I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.
I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.
I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.

Powerful stuff.

Take it for a whirl.

Warmly,
Susan

Image by Susan K Minarik

The Gifts of I’m Sorry

The first time I heard the phrase “Love means never having to say you’re sorry,” I wrinkled up my nose. It didn’t make any sense to me at all. I think it came from a movie, a mushy romance of some kind. I didn’t see it. I didn’t like its theme song or something. But I kept trying to figure out what the phrase meant. To me, it sounded like they were saying you didn’t have to apologize to someone who loved you because they would forgive you anyway.

Comedian Alan Alda, on the other hand, when he was popular for playing the character Hawkeye on M.A.S.H. said he knew the secret of a happy marriage. He and his wife had been married for 25 years at the time. “When you come home at night,” he said, “the first thing you do is put your arms around her, gently kiss her neck, and whisper in her ear, “I’m sorry.” He says there’s bound to be something she thought you did wrong.

When you think about it, it’s kind of arrogant to think you have nothing to apologize for, or nothing to regret. That’s a lack either of self-awareness or of propriety. And it takes the other’s love for granted, too, if you don’t think they deserve an “I’m sorry.”

When you pay attention, you can catch yourself doing things big and small that you wish you might have done differently. You said something, or didn’t say something. You did something, or didn’t do something. Sometimes you catch yourself entertaining a repulsive thought.

When you notice yourself tripping up, however large or small your stumble might be, and you say, “I’m sorry,” a wave of self-acceptance washes over you. You acknowledge the part of yourself that erred and let yourself feel the embarrassment, annoyance, frustration, shame, anger, even pain that it brought you. You learn on a feeling-level the value of making better choices, of going with your higher instincts. You learn. And that’s a beautiful thing. Some say it’s our whole reason for being here.

Saying “I’m sorry” keeps us humble, too. It reminds us of our human limitations and imperfections, as much as we all would like to pretend that we have none. (Or at least fewer than the average bear.)

Sometimes you whisper it to yourself, to the core of you, however you imagine that to be: “I’m sorry.” Sometimes you say it out loud to someone else, out of courtesy or from a desire to mend a wound you caused, intentionally or not. Either way, there’s something healing about it. It puts you back in touch with reality in a more conscious way.

And here’s something you’ll discover as you work with this simple phrase, “I’m sorry.” Deep down, you’re sorry for the whole human race, every single member of it going back before the beginning of time. Especially, perhaps, for your ancestors. You offer apologizes on behalf of every one of them. Because they would want you to. We, as human beings, are sorry for the times and the ways in which we have failed, that we have let ourselves and each other down.

I guess you address that one to the universe, to all sentient beings everywhere. It lets them know we are aware and willing to take responsibility. We are evolving. Bit by bit.

But mostly “I’m sorry” is a personal thing. It’s a balancer, a reconciler, It corrects your course, anchors you to your center and reminds you who, at core, you are and want always to express. It’s a kind of sign you give to yourself that you’re on the right path.

It’s one of the four simple phrases that change everything. You can say them in any order that you like. Or play with them in pairs or one at a time. Experiment with them at your ease, and see what happens. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.

Wow.

Next week, we’ll look at what it means to forgive and to ask forgiveness. But let that go for now. For now, see when “I’m sorry” slips into your mind . . . And may you feel its many blessings.

Warmly,
Susan

Nods from the Universe


I found it. The article I mentioned last week was exactly where I thought it was, so I retrieved it easily. I had the name wrong. It was originally “Four Simple Phrases that Change Everything.” I told you last week that I thought it was “Four Magic Phrases . . .”

What I once thought simple has turned out to be so multifaceted and multi-layered that I can only think of it as magical, in the most wondrous, childlike sense of the word. I keep slipping, I’ve noticed, into this trance of awe where everything surprises me with its intricacy and perfection. It’s beyond comprehension. But there it is: everywhere.

Take, for instance, synchronicities. I don’t notice them often, but when I do they are usually quite fun, and interesting. The night before I dug out my old drive to retrieve the article, I was surfing from channel to channel and happened to land on one where the fellah speaking was a philosopher and he just happened to mention the Hawaiian practice of Ho’oponopono–the very one to which I referred in my introduction of my article. Then he shared the four phrases around which my article was centered. And he said them in the same order I do, although you can choose any order you like.

I’m sorry.
Please Forgive me.
Thank you.
I love you.

I thought that was cool, a kind of nod from the universe that I was on the right track. It’s not like you run into a practitioner of this offshoot of traditional Ho’oponopono very often. It doesn’t generally come up in everyday conversation.

The second synchonicity about the article happened when I opened it. I noticed the date of its original publication: July 25, 2015. How about that! Exactly six years from today.

I considered reprinting the original article as-is, but after working with the four phrases for over half a decade now, there’s more I want to say than what this original article said. I don’t mean to tease you by saying, “Not yet.” I’m telling you good things are in store.

So . . . synchronicities slide me into trances of awe. You can go down quite a deep and twisty rabbit hole thinking about them, for sure! So I just smile at them, consider them a wink from the universe, and carry on.

Another thing that nudges me into the awe-pool is a greeting from my hawk. (I don’t mean “my” in a possessive sense. It’s just a shorthand for “my friend the hawk.”) He called to me twice this week, and when I called back, he flew to the open space above my head and circled there while we called to each other. We have quite a history, we two. Those were magical moments for me.

I ran across a list of positive emotions the other day. Awe is one of them, and definitely one of my favorites. But the top-of-the-list one for me is contentment.

I’ll wish you some of that. Especially as we come to the end of this week’s ramblings.

Have some serenity. Be at peace. Just for a moment, bathe in contentment.

Ahhhhh.

Much warmth,
Susan

Sneak Preview

Several years ago I wrote a blog called “Positive-Living-Now.” It had been going strong for nine years when it was mercilessly hacked. And even though I shelled out a significant amount of cash to a highly skilled and reputable team to try to restore it, it had been damaged beyond repair.

Many of you who are reading this Sunday Letter became my subscribers because you accepted my invitation through that blog. How grateful I am that you’re still with me after all these years! And how deeply I appreciate the words of encouragement you have sent me over the past couple weeks while I was navigating my way through some daunting health challenges. I feel like we’re old, dear friends.

Positive-Living-Now had hundreds of articles on it when it met its demise. Many of them dealt with the findings of researchers in the then-new science of positive psychology and talked about the power of discovering your strengths and putting them to use in your daily life. I just may take another stroll through those concepts and share my current reflections about them.

Other articles on the blog were about what you might call “mind-hacks”–little techniques and games you can play with yourself to pull yourself out of negative states of mind or to function with more efficiency and ease as you go through your day, or just to remind yourself how wonderful you are. Because you are a wondrous being, you know.

Of all the articles the site contained, one was read and shared well above and beyond the others. I don’t have it handy; it’s on another drive that I’ll have to dig through in order to find it. It was called something like “Four Magic Phrases that Change Everything.”

I’m going to locate it and update it, and then I’ll share it with you. It deserves another go-round, In the meantime, let me tell you the four phrases. You can play with them and see how they impact your life. You can say one or all of them, repeating them as you like, and they don’t have to go in any particular order. They don’t come with rules.

I’m sorry.
Please forgive me.
Thank you.
I love you.

My favorite this week has been “Thank you.” Gratitude is such a beautiful, healing thing. It keeps you humble. It expands your senses of joy and appreciation. It lets you dance on the edges of wonder and awe. Somebody once said “Thank You” is the only prayer we ever need to say.

I thank you for being my steadfast companion on this journey. Life brings sorrow and challenges to us all. It can be a scary, lonely, confusing place sometimes. But how beautiful is it that we have caring companions along the way! Thank you. Thank you, life, for the gift of caring companions. Thank you, my friend, for welcoming me into your life each week, and for all the motivation and inspiration that welcome provides.

Wishing you a week where you discover that even your deepest thanks isn’t enough.

Warmly,
Susan

Image by Kessa from Pixabay

Sparkling Moments

The same folks who shot off fireworks on the 4th of July are doing another show as I write–a week later. I can’t see them; too many trees intervene. But the sound alone is enough to evoke my two favorite 4th of July memories.

Half a mile down the beach where I lived as a child was an amusement park. Every 4th of July people would come from miles around for what was known to be one of the best fireworks displays in the state.

As the sun was beginning to sink below the horizon, my dad would stuff me and a couple of my girlfriends into thick, orange life jackets and buckle them tightly around us. Then we would climb into his little wooden fishing boat, he’d pull the rope on the little Evinrude outboard motor, and we’d put out into the bay. After we were a good distance from the shore, dad would throw the anchor overboard and we would watch the colors of the sunset dance in the water. We could hear the sounds of the crowd at the amusement park, the screams as the tilt-a-whirl hurled riders in big circles in the air or the roller coaster descended a steep hill.

Dad pulled a package of sparkles from his jacket pocket and lit one for each of us, cautioning us not to touch the burning part or to throw the sparkler in the water when it was done. Finally,the sky grew dark, and at last the first of hundreds of huge, sparkling, starry fireworks shot into the air. “Ooooohhhhh!” the people at the park cried in one musical voice. “Ahhhhhhh.” The show lasted well over an hour, dazzling us with its spectacular beauty.

Somehow, Dad could tell which of the tiny lights on the shore was coming from our house, and he skillfully navigated us through the dark waters right to the edge of our yard.

My second favorite 4th of July memory stars my mother. She was a registered nurse in the days when nurses wore starched white uniforms and caps, and blue capes lined in red satin. One 4th, Mom was on call for duty in the emergency room. And just as the fireworks ended down the beach, she got the call: Come now!

When she reached the end of our road, where it joined the road into town, cars were streaming from the park. She leaped from her Studebaker and strode right into the bumper-to-bumper line of cars, her cape billowing in the night breeze, and held up her hand, commanding the cars to stop. They did, and they waited while she pulled in ahead of them, heading to the hospital to help save a life.

I always loved that image of her, so undaunted and brave.

I’ve spent more time than I ever would have wanted in emergency rooms myself over the past couple weeks. And I discovered that my treasure chest of happy memories was one of the biggest assets I had. I pulled out one after another and spent time reliving them as I underwent tests and procedures and hours of waiting for results. I thought about childhood memories, and about vacations, and about the chipmunks and birds and flowers in my yard that I so enjoy. It helps you heal, you know, to let your mind savor memories of things that brought you joy. And it keeps you healthier if you spend time collecting life’s little gems and storing them away as you navigate the present.

Every now and then, as you go through your day, stop and scoop up a shining moment or two to tuck in your memory box. You have no idea how delightful it will seem when you discover it someday in the future just waiting for you to find it.

I missed writing to you the past two weeks. It feels great to be back! I’m wearing a grin and I’m happy to say I plan to be around for a long, long time.

Warmly,
Susan

Image by Stux at Pixabay.com

Cause for Celebration

For the second time in two weeks, I found myself in the Emergency Department of the local hospital. This time, it was because I had been running an unexplained high fever for three days.

Before I left, I had a diagnosis and with antibiotic fluids pumped into me, my fever broke, and I realized with great joy that I was actually going to live. It took a while to climb back to full strength, but every sunrise seemed a precious gift, and I reveled in the ordinary, glad for every wisp of it.

Now, here I am, delighted to be writing my Sunday Letter to you, and this on a day of double celebrations for us all. First, there’s the arrival of summer, the most luxuriant season of them all. And second, it’s Father’s Day.

My own dad holds a very special place in my heart. Remembering him fills me with an overflowing love. I hope that’s true for you, too.

I ran across a piece I wrote about fathers a few years back about the special role fathers play in our lives. It’s called, “Why Fathers Matter,” and I think it’s worth repeating on this Father’s Day…

Why Fathers Matter

Sadly, in our throw-away culture, one of the things that’s increasingly being viewed as disposable is fathers. According to a recent study, if you take a survey of people between 22 and 37—prime child-bearing ages—and you’ll find that only about half of them think kids need both a mom and dad to grow up happily. But the truth is that fathers matter. A whole bunch. Clinical psychologist Jordan Peterson says that it’s demoralizing to grow up without a father in your life. You feel cast aside, as if you don’t matter much. Without a dad the world can seem a dismal place. “The good father,” he says, “helps you to become your best self.”

What Fathers Do For Us

Fathers are the encouragers in our lives. They’re the ones who say, “Go ahead! You can do it!” even when we’re pretty sure we can’t. They believe in our potential. They teach us to take risks, to try, to be daring, even in the face of fear.

They set limits and hold up standards, teaching us self-control and responsibility. And as Peterson says, it’s bearing responsibility that gives life its meaning.

Dads hold out expectations for us. They push us to excel. Feeling a father’s pride in your accomplishments helps you strive to do and be your best.

When I was growing up, I took piano lessons. And even when I felt I had mastered a piece of music, my dad would nod and smile and say, “Keep practicing. You’ll get it yet.” In time, I became good enough to place highly in competitions. Then I would get from him the words I longed to hear: “Good job.” And that meant more than any trophy or ribbon.

Unlike mothers, who tend to talk to us in our own language levels, Dads help us expand our vocabularies by talking with a broader, more adult range of words.

It’s the rough and tumble side of dads, who tickle and wrestle with us, who teach us sports and games and skills, that teaches us how to deal with the world head-on, to be independent and to assert ourselves. We learn from their roughhousing how to be resilient in the face of defeat, and how to brush defeat aside.

They tell us stories from their worlds that show us the positive value of competition and take us to new places that we wouldn’t dare go on our own. They instill confidence in us, support us, and help us feel secure.

They’re the ones who say, “Enough is enough!” teaching us about rules and about what it means to be moral and fair. It’s no wonder that kids with fathers do better in school, are more playful, and learn to use humor to cope with setbacks.

Fathers Matter

If you are fortunate enough to have had a father in your world, take time to tell him that he matters to you, that you’re grateful for all he has taught you. And if you’re a father, a step-father, or a father-figure in someone’s life, know that your role is not only important, but irreplaceable, and take pride in that. Dads make us better people and the world a better place.

Happy Father’s Day, you Dads out there. A father’s love is fierce, and sometimes it’s not an easy job, keeping the balance between being strong and being harsh. But that fierce love gives us our strength and courage. And as Peterson says, the world would be a much more dismal place without you.

Warmly,
Susan

Image by melindarmacaronikidcom from Pixabay