Well, here we are at the final, and in many ways, most fundamental choice that happy people universally make: the commitment to be truthful with themselves.

They’re truthful with others, too, of course. But happiness springs from their choice to be honest with themselves—about what they truly think, and feel, and need, and want, and value ,and believe.

It’s not as easy as it sounds. It takes courage and a willingness to look at the difference between what you’re pretending and what is genuinely real for you.

Think about an area of your life where you’re experiencing some difficulty. Then try this exercise: Say to yourself, “I’m pretending that . . .” and describe how you’re not being authentic. Then say, “But the truth is . . .” and see if you can dig down to a new clarity.

We fall into pretending for a lot of reasons. We buy into our stories or the stories our family or culture tells.

We obey programmed “shoulds.” We give in to fears of embarrassment, shame, disapproval, rejection and judgment.

We assume that in order to be a good person we have to put the needs of disadvantaged others above our own.

We tell ourselves that we’re being kind or gracious by holding back on our own desires. In reality, when we’re truthful about our own needs and desires, we empower others to be truthful, too, and that gives us a greater chance for meeting everyone’s needs.

Even difficult truths can be spoken with tact and consideration. And even when we don’t say them perfectly, we’re affirming the importance of honesty in our relationships when we try.

Honesty, especially with yourself, is the bedrock foundation of happiness, and the only path to genuine intimacy with others. It’s the quality that provides you with the third “C” of happiness—centeredness—because the voice at your center is the voice of your truth.

You can’t know who you really are without listening for that truth. Self-honesty is the very core of authenticity.

Lack of honesty leads to tension, distancing from others, lack of motivation, burnout, fatigue, even illness.

Without truth, trust can’t exist. You can’t rely on your own judgment when you’re not honest with yourself about what you value, what you feel and think, what matters to you. And others can’t rely on you either.

But know what’s true for you and you become a pillar of strength and trustworthiness both to yourself and others. You know where you stand, and so does everyone else. You can be counted on; you’re reliable.

Honesty is highly attractive to others. More than that, you’ll feel an inner harmony that nothing but the truth can give you.

We grow as we experience life, of course, and our truths can evolve or change over time.

 Happy people learn to pay continuous attention to their inner sense of truth to find new layers and new dimensions of it. What do I really believe? What do I genuinely want? What do I need? How do I really feel? Am I pretending?

These are the questions they ask, fearlessly listening for the answers, following truth’s light, and shining that light into the world.

Next week, we’ll put all nine choices for happiness together and see how they work as a synergistic whole.

Until then, I wish you fresh winds of honesty and a fascinating week.

Warmly,
Susan

^{Image by Viktoriya Yu from Pixabay}

Have you ever noticed that feeling you get when you do something for somebody else? That little lift you get? That little burst of energy?

It’s such a clean, strong feeling, even when it only lasts a second or two. That’s what giving does for us. The boost it generates is life’s way of telling us that easing the way for someone else makes us happier, too.

That’s what “the golden rule” is all about. Treating others the way you’d want to be treated makes for increased happiness all the way around.

We’re happy when others help us when we need it, and when can help others, we’re made happier, too.

Giving stimulates our sense of our capability. When we respond to somebody’s need we feel connected to our hearts, the place from which giving rises,

Happiness researchers Foster and Hooks have this to say about giving:

“True giving, radiant giving, comes from the same inner place as deep happiness.  It’s a desire to share our personal sense of worth and values. 

“It’s having the self-esteem to feel that what we have to offer is valuable—our advice, wisdom, expertise, skills, physical labor. 

“The manner in which we give these gifts is a reflection of who we are.”

That’s a very special way of giving.  It’s not giving from a sense of obligation, and especially it’s not giving from a sense of guilt or as a compensation for feeling unworthy in some way.  It’s giving for the sheer joy and beauty of giving; it’s giving from a full heart.

The highest level of giving, Foster and Hicks say, is giving in a way that helps other people live better, more independently and more effectively.  

They found that many of the happy people they studied volunteered time in their communities working for causes they considered worthwhile. Some acted as mentors. Some spent time counseling family or community members.

Sometimes their giving was the habitual performance of kindnesses, stepping up whenever they saw a way to fill a need or to ease someone’s way.  Sometimes they simply offered encouragement or gave appreciation to others, or brightened others’ days with a genuine smile.

Happy people, Foster and Hicks say, “give because it is a decree of their heart, letting their internal sense of contentment and joy overflow into the world.”

One of the most fulfilling ways to give to others is simply to share what you love.  Share your passions.  Whether you’re into music or carpentry, reading, gardening, exercising, playing chess—whatever you love, engage somebody else in it. 

The opportunities for giving are endless.  It’s simply a matter of being aware of them.  Learn to find them by asking yourself, “What can I offer?”  “How can I help?”  “Whose life can I support?”  “Whose day can I brighten?”

Share your skills, your knowledge, your emotional support, material items, money or time.  Give of them freely, with joy, and you’ll find the giving returns more rewards than you could ever anticipate.

It builds bonds.  It creates trust.  It enhances life both for the recipient of your sharing and for you. 

As a tool for enriching your happiness, it ranks as one of the most powerful.  Make a point of noticing your giving this week and watch what happens inside you.

Wishing you a week of happy-hearted giving!

Warmly,
Susan

^{Image by Harish Sharma from Pixabay}