My friend sent me a video the other day of the workshop she’d built for herself over the winter months. A couple years ago, her previous workshop burned to the ground in a fire.

The new one was a work of art. It’s walls were hung with organized tools above cabinets and sets of shelves on rolling casters filled with labeled bins, and a rack for storing lumber. She could rearrange her space according to whatever project she was working on. As usual, she’d done a top-notch job.

I was impressed.

I smiled as I watched the video. One of my friend’s top joys in life is designing and building things. Big things. The coop she built for her flock of chickens, for instance, is so elegant that I call it “the chicken palace.” Yet with all these achievements, she talks about herself as being lazy.

So I watched the video of her fabulous new workshop I wrote back, “Not bad for a lazy girl.”

She told me about the list of tasks she still had to complete, the final touch ups. She’d put in months of work on her project and the few loose ends weren’t exactly sparking her to get up and get them done.

But then she found the key. Instead of thinking “I have to,” she taught herself to say “I want to.”

And then, she said, “It gets done!”

It was a technique I’d discovered, too. I’ve learned to turn “have to” into “get to,” framing an obligation, responsibility, or less-than-welcome task into something I was privileged to be able to do.

I turn “should” into “could,” too. Instead of feeling pressured to do something, I claim my freedom to decide whether to do it now or not.

I consider how long it would take, how much energy it would require. I check my current intentions and priorities. I consider whether there’s something else I genuinely need to do now instead. Or maybe I’d rather do one of the other things that I could get done. All this takes place in a few seconds. Then, whatever I decide, I’m making my choice consciously and freely, and I get to do what I truly want to do.

My friend and I had both stumbled on one of the simplest and most powerful tricks for shifting into a more positive mindset: Our choice of the words we used to frame our situation.

Here’s how this magic works. Picture a triangle with the words “behavior,” “thoughts,” and “feelings” written on each of its sides. Now imagine an arrow pointing from each word to the next. What it’s telling you is that our behaviors influence our thoughts, which influence our feelings, which influence our behavior, and around and around.

If you make a change in one, each of the others will shift, too. You can try it out right now. Put a big smile on your face, or sit up straighter and see what happens to your thoughts, to the way you feel.

When you can reframe things in a more positive way, you get a lot more done and done more easily. Because you’re dissolving the stress of the oppressive thought, you free up pathways that are healthier on all levels.

Just think! It’s the beginning of a whole new season in your life – one where you get to do anything that you want to, that you could. All you have to do is notice when you’re putting off a ‘have to’ or a ‘should’ and reframe your view of it with a friendlier word. And isn’t that a fine trick to know!

Wishing you a week of inviting choices. Happy Spring!

Warmly,
Susan

^{Image from my friend’s video.}

A neighbor of mine, a single mom with two small kids, told me about a remarkable experience she had this week.

She’d gone shopping with her two little toddlers in tow and had set her purse atop her car while she buckled them in their car seats and loaded the groceries into her car. She’d spent her last dollar on the food and was anxious about how she’d find money for gas to get to work the rest of the week.

She was almost home, she said, when she reached for her purse to grab a tissue and realized what she had done. She broke into tears right then and there in despair. She retraced her route, scanning the roadside in the vain hope that she’d spot the missing purse. Then she drove to the local police station to report her loss.

To her astonishment, the police had her purse! It was beat up, as if it had been run over. They said some dirty, tattooed biker had brought it in just minutes ago. He told them if the owner happened to report it, to ask her to call him. He had left his phone number.

Puzzled, she called him while the police listened in, afraid he might have extortion of some kind in mind.

He said he was just returning from a 200-mile charity run and had spotted the purse by the side of the road. He told her that he looked through it for ID but only saw the photos of two babies in the empty wallet.

He thought the woman who owned it must be having an awful day. He said he was sorry she had lost whatever else was in the purse, but he had brought it in just as he found it. Except for one thing.

My friend said, “One thing? What was that?”

“Look in the zippered pocket,” he said. She did as he asked and discovered a crisp $100 bill.

“I hope that helps a little,” he said. “I just wanted you to know that good things happen in life as well as the setbacks.”

The police officers on duty were as shocked as my friend. “Just goes to show you,” one of them said, “You really can’t judge a book by its cover.”

That was two years ago, my friend said. And she never forgot the biker’s amazing kindness—or the lesson about judging people on the basis of stereotypes.

You never know how much impact a kindness that you do will have on other lives. Each gesture of kindness ripples on and on.

I know the grungy biker’s act of generosity meant everything to my friend. And I hope by telling you about it, you’ll benefit from his kindness, too.

Pass it on.

Warmly,
Susan

^{Image by Susi Schneider from Pixabay}

After hearing about the losses and illnesses in several friends’ lives, and of the anxiety brought to more than a few folks by the world’s current events, I was reminded again of one of the most valuable teachings I ever learned.

I’ve shared it with you before, but this seems like a good time to remind you about it, too. It’s this counsel from Tara Brach about what to do when you find that you’re in distress. Say this to yourself, she says:

“This is suffering.
Everybody suffers.
May I be kind.”

I’m always comforted by that. It lets me put a name to what I’m both experiencing and witnessing in the world around me. Suffering. It reminds me that none of us is ever alone in our suffering, that every human being everywhere experiences it. That’s kind of a deep thing to realize. None of us escapes pain, whether it’s physical, mental, emotional, spiritual or a mix of them all. Life in this world isn’t for sissies. It puts all of us to the test.

Knowing that, the only worthwhile response is to be kind. Accept that at one time or another, life is painful place. Reality here has a brutal streak. And in the face of it, kindness is a healing balm. It washes over the scene with a gentle warmth. It ever so subtly brings a soft light to things, allowing us to feel a spaciousness wide enough to peer beyond our pain, to sense the love around us, too. Let yourself remember a moment of kindness you experienced and notice how it lifts and soothes you just to think of it.

The first place to focus your kindness when you’re in distress is on yourself. Imagine giving yourself a gentle, compassionate hug, one that conveys that a sincere understanding of what you’re feeling. You’re human. Pain comes with the territory. Let it be what it is; it will pass.

Then, once you open yourself to being accepting and kind towards yourself, however slightly, let it flow out to everybody around you. You never know what’s going on inside somebody else’s skin. It could be that the person right next to you needs a friendly smile as much as you do. Let it touch the entire situation you’re in—everything and everyone involved.

A friend of mine sometimes says, “Love isn’t a feeling; it’s an action.” I think of that when I think about what kindness is.

Just because you aren’t feeling especially generous toward someone doesn’t mean you can’t treat them with respect and consideration. Kindness means you look past your own troubles to try to help lift the load for somebody else. After all, it’s like the old guru said, “We’re all just walking each other home.”

.Another beautiful thing about kindness is the way it generates a feedback loop. It’s like instant karma, returning to you the love that you give, multiplied.

I know I often encourage you to “tuck this one in your pocket,” that I hope you’ll adopt a quote or an exercise as part of your own tool chest. But I especially hope you’ll gift yourself with this one. You have your own way to store things in your mind. Maybe you make a written note of it. Maybe you practice chanting it until you feel it embedding itself in your memory. Whatever means you use, use it with this one: “This is suffering. Everybody suffers. May I be kind.” Its benefits are real, and healing, and strong.

Wishing you a week of peace and ease.

Warmly,
Susan

^{Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay}

Suppose the Events Designer—the cosmic faculty that makes all the coincidences and opportunities pop into our lives—has his sensors right there in the invisible space between you and everything else – say, between you and the screen where you’re reading these words for example.

By the way, I call him Ed.

Now suppose that Ed’s primary job is to collect all your thoughts and expectations, figure out which ones carry the strongest emotional charge or are linked to your firmest beliefs. Then he sends his findings on to his staff at Cosmic Coincidence Control Center with orders for their fulfillment.

Okay, that’s just an analogy. But let’s suppose that it’s more or less how things work.

Assuming it is, what you need to know about Ed is that he doesn’t recognize the difference between a highly charged negative thought or belief and highly charged positive ones.

He doesn’t know that you have preferences—that you’d rather have health than illness, or wealth instead of destitution. All he can recognize is how much emotional energy you attach to your thoughts or how firmly you believe them, and he orders events that match those that carry the greatest charge.

So what happens is if you go around saying “Nothing good ever happens for me,” Ed will notice that you attach a boatload of energy to that thought and he’ll order up events for you that support it.

If your boss is a jerk, and you tell all your friends, “I just can’t stand him! He’s such a jerk!” Ed will arrange things for you to prove that you’re absolutely right.

“I can’t lose weight.”
“I can’t make myself go to the gym.”
“I’m too old.”
“Nobody will hire me.”
“I could never learn that.”

Your belief is Ed’s command.

Ed’s a pretty powerful guy. And he’s attentive, too. He has to be; it’s up to him to create the reality you most fervently envision for yourself.

That’s why the Best Self movie works, by the way. You create it in your mind, infusing it with genuine joy and enthusiasm. Then you play it every morning, and voila! Ed turns it into an order. Amazing little coincidences and opportunities for new choices begin flowing into your life.

In fact, the Best Self movie is just one concentrated process for getting Ed’s attention. In reality, Ed is listening all the time, 24/7. And that means that YOU get to live a life of delicious self-made adventures and achievements, and all you have to do is keep whispering sweet somethings in Ed’s ear.

What if you decided to replace “I can’t” with “Of course I can!”
What if you decided to believe that doing what you most want to do, being who you most want to be would really be an absolute hoot?
That your life could be rich, and satisfying, and fun?
What if you choose to believe in magic? In miracles? In the possibility that an unending flow of good fortune is going to sweep you up this very day?

What if you saw a fabulous future so vividly that you walked around whispering Thank You! Thank You! Thank You! all day?
What if you started seeing more and more goodness and beauty everywhere?

What if you decided to fall completely in love with your life and the turns that it’s taking right this very day?

What if you chose to immerse yourself in a pool of absolute contentment?

Imagine what Ed might do then! Wayne Dyer wrote a book once with the great title, You’ll See It When You Believe It. I think he was on to the secrets of the Events Director. I think he knew how to whisper the most delicious thoughts into Ed’s ear.

I’m imagining you’re getting the knack yourself, right? That you’re leaping into the week thinking that this reality-shaping stuff just might be great fun!

Go for it!

Warmly,
Susan

^{Image by Public Co from Pixabay}

I saw a roadside sign this week that said, “When things go wrong, you don’t have to.”  

Think about that for a minute. Paint it in your favorite colors on some wall in your mind where you’ll see it now and then. 

Let it remind you that when events take an unexpected turn, you can snap yourself into the immediate reality and grab your chance to choose how you will respond, to ask yourself what the next best step really is.

Often when things go wrong, we react in some habitual, programmed way instead of choosing the best attitude to bring to the situation. We get mad or sad, irritated or angry. We pull inward and close ourselves up. 

Those kinds of emotions rob us of the broadened perception that allows us to find creative solutions. When you can interrupt your habitual response and center yourself for a moment, you’re much more likely to see greater possibilities.  

“When things go wrong, you don’t have to.” 

You can reach for something lighter, something higher, something kinder, something more helpful. A good place to begin is with acceptance of the fact that things seem to be going wrong, and that you seem to be not liking it at all. Okay. Yuckiness happens. And here it is. What’s the best way out?

Yuckiness, I’ve decided, is like quicksand. Fighting against it only makes things worse. You have to relax and take easy, deliberate motions toward solid ground. That’s what will save you.

When you can accept your circumstances for what they are and relax, you’ll be able to spot tools and means and opportunities that you would be blind to if you let yourself go wrong, too. But accept the pickle you’re in and you might even find yourself laughing at it all.

Maybe that’s the whole purpose behind Murphy’s Law. Maybe things go wrong just to give us the opportunity to discover what creative and resourceful beings we humans really are.  

Of course if I had a magic wand, I’d wish you a week where every day was smooth and filled with beauty and joy. But life is what it is, with its ups and downs, is delights and disappointments. So the best I can do is wish you a week where you’re awake and aware, a week that allows you savor the bits of goodness that even difficult days offer, and to remember that when things go wrong, you don’t have to.

Warmly,
Susan

^{Image by Steve Buissinne from Pixabay}