Life’s Not for Sissies

After hearing about the losses and illnesses in several friends’ lives, and of the anxiety brought to more than a few folks by the world’s current events, I was reminded again of one of the most valuable teachings I ever learned.

I’ve shared it with you before, but this seems like a good time to remind you about it, too. It’s this counsel from Tara Brach about what to do when you find that you’re in distress. Say this to yourself, she says:

“This is suffering.
Everybody suffers.
May I be kind.”

I’m always comforted by that. It lets me put a name to what I’m both experiencing and witnessing in the world around me. Suffering. It reminds me that none of us is ever alone in our suffering, that every human being everywhere experiences it. That’s kind of a deep thing to realize. None of us escapes pain, whether it’s physical, mental, emotional, spiritual or a mix of them all. Life in this world isn’t for sissies. It puts all of us to the test.

Knowing that, the only worthwhile response is to be kind. Accept that at one time or another, life is painful place. Reality here has a brutal streak. And in the face of it, kindness is a healing balm. It washes over the scene with a gentle warmth. It ever so subtly brings a soft light to things, allowing us to feel a spaciousness wide enough to peer beyond our pain, to sense the love around us, too. Let yourself remember a moment of kindness you experienced and notice how it lifts and soothes you just to think of it.

The first place to focus your kindness when you’re in distress is on yourself. Imagine giving yourself a gentle, compassionate hug, one that conveys that a sincere understanding of what you’re feeling. You’re human. Pain comes with the territory. Let it be what it is; it will pass.

Then, once you open yourself to being accepting and kind towards yourself, however slightly, let it flow out to everybody around you. You never know what’s going on inside somebody else’s skin. It could be that the person right next to you needs a friendly smile as much as you do. Let it touch the entire situation you’re in—everything and everyone involved.

A friend of mine sometimes says, “Love isn’t a feeling; it’s an action.” I think of that when I think about what kindness is.

Just because you aren’t feeling especially generous toward someone doesn’t mean you can’t treat them with respect and consideration. Kindness means you look past your own troubles to try to help lift the load for somebody else. After all, it’s like the old guru said, “We’re all just walking each other home.”

.Another beautiful thing about kindness is the way it generates a feedback loop. It’s like instant karma, returning to you the love that you give, multiplied.

I know I often encourage you to “tuck this one in your pocket,” that I hope you’ll adopt a quote or an exercise as part of your own tool chest. But I especially hope you’ll gift yourself with this one. You have your own way to store things in your mind. Maybe you make a written note of it. Maybe you practice chanting it until you feel it embedding itself in your memory. Whatever means you use, use it with this one: “This is suffering. Everybody suffers. May I be kind.” Its benefits are real, and healing, and strong.

Wishing you a week of peace and ease.

Warmly,
Susan

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Mallard Dreams

All night I dreamed of the mallards,
of the drake’s emerald iridescent head
and bold black and white body, of his mate,
shy and dappled brown swimming at his side,
of the way they painted the water with ripples
of blue and gold snatched from the sky, with
the green of the pines from the shore. I heard
the drake’s loud call as it rose from the lake
on powerful wings just to show his mate
how wise she had been to choose him.
And all through the night, they swam
and swam, graceful, knowing,
and at peace.

Rising Above Disputes

I was thinking about the contentious arguments I saw on social media today when I realized that they’re nothing new. Sometimes they’re louder and more strident than other times. But they seem to be something that comes with the human experience. I suppose they’re a kind of bumpy effort to problem solve.

Whatever their purpose or cause, they’re no fun.

From somewhere in my memory a piece on the subject that I wrote for you almost exactly a year ago came to mind. I called it “Taking Sides.” I dug it out and it felt like an appropriate reminder for us to share today, So here it is. Enjoy!

*              *              *

I was out looking at the stars the other night, and once more I was filled with awe at the realization that our home is but one speck of rock circling one star amidst uncountable stars in one of an unknown number of galaxies. How small we are! And yet, how incredible our minds, to be able to grasp the immensity of it all, to compute the distances, to be capable of wonder and to marvel at its mysteries and order and beauty.

How can we be asleep to that? How can we take it all for granted? Why, when we’re gifted not only with intelligence but with the capacity to love, is our little world beset with such rancor and pain?

You know, there seems to be a trend afoot these days to pit us all against each other, to egg us into taking sides on every conceivable issue. Tensions and conflicts engulf our homes and work places, our neighborhoods and nations. And this, despite the fact that what the overwhelming majority of humans want is simply to get along with each other and to live our lives in harmony and peace.

None of us has the power, individually, to change the course of world events. But we can have an influence in our immediate corners of the world. That’s the place to start. From there, it evolves and spreads, of its own accord. It becomes the ripple that eventually turns the tide,

I heard a suggestion this week that I liked a lot. Instead of getting entrapped in the blame game, it said, focus on seeking solutions. Ask yourself what you can do to make things better and be willing to give your ideas a try.

Sometimes that can mean having to admit you were less than kind, or respectful, or honest. None of us is at our best all the time. We get tired, and crabby, and selfish. It’s part of being human to blame someone else for our lousy states of mind. But our ability to apologize is a part of being human, too.

Sometimes making things better means stretching beyond our comfort zones and trying on less-than-familiar behaviors—holding our tongues when we would normally confront, forgiving hurts, deciding to overlook other’s foibles instead of falling into irritation, looking for things to like in those whose opinions contrast with our own.

What can I do to make things better? That’s the solution-focused question. How can I create more harmony? More understanding? More beauty? More wholesomeness and health? What would be the kind thing to do? The loving thing? How can we work together to fix things?

“Be the peace you want to see in the world” the sage said. Every time you apply it, the world does indeed become a more peaceful place. One act, one person at a time.

Wishing you a week filled with beautiful solutions.

Warmly,
Susan

Image by Rosy / Bad Homburg / Germany from Pixabay

The Turning

It’s more than this spell of warmth.
Tomorrow, we know, the cold will return,
the clouds will blanket the sky. Even so,
we feel the first breathings of spring.
Maybe something inside us senses
the rise of the sap in the trees,
the first stirring of roots beneath the ground,
the slow waking of tiny seeds.
The seasons know no calendar.
They simply roll, round and round,
dancing to some ancient song,
and something inside us learns to hear
their first, distance notes. Today
I’m sure that I heard spring.

February Thaw

Chance opened a window, and something
inside me whispered, “The Park.”
The words fell in sparkles inside me
and off I went, beneath a blue sky
that, ten minutes later, was covered
by clouds. Exactly what I needed,
although I didn’t know it at the time.
After all the cold, the mildness of the air
was enough. That, and the fact that
I was there, among the trees, my spirit
calmed by the hushed flowing of the creek,
freed now from all but thin patches of ice.
The morning’s subtle hues swept me
with peace, the brittle intensity of my world
reduced to nothing, mere fragments of dreams,
gently dissolving and floating away.

Whispering Sweet Somethings

Suppose the Events Designer—the cosmic faculty that makes all the coincidences and opportunities pop into our lives—has his sensors right there in the invisible space between you and everything else – say, between you and the screen where you’re reading these words for example.

By the way, I call him Ed.

Now suppose that Ed’s primary job is to collect all your thoughts and expectations, figure out which ones carry the strongest emotional charge or are linked to your firmest beliefs. Then he sends his findings on to his staff at Cosmic Coincidence Control Center with orders for their fulfillment.

Okay, that’s just an analogy. But let’s suppose that it’s more or less how things work.

Assuming it is, what you need to know about Ed is that he doesn’t recognize the difference between a highly charged negative thought or belief and highly charged positive ones.

He doesn’t know that you have preferences—that you’d rather have health than illness, or wealth instead of destitution. All he can recognize is how much emotional energy you attach to your thoughts or how firmly you believe them, and he orders events that match those that carry the greatest charge.

So what happens is if you go around saying “Nothing good ever happens for me,” Ed will notice that you attach a boatload of energy to that thought and he’ll order up events for you that support it.

If your boss is a jerk, and you tell all your friends, “I just can’t stand him! He’s such a jerk!” Ed will arrange things for you to prove that you’re absolutely right.

“I can’t lose weight.”
“I can’t make myself go to the gym.”
“I’m too old.”
“Nobody will hire me.”
“I could never learn that.”

Your belief is Ed’s command.

Ed’s a pretty powerful guy. And he’s attentive, too. He has to be; it’s up to him to create the reality you most fervently envision for yourself.

That’s why the Best Self movie works, by the way. You create it in your mind, infusing it with genuine joy and enthusiasm. Then you play it every morning, and voila! Ed turns it into an order. Amazing little coincidences and opportunities for new choices begin flowing into your life.

In fact, the Best Self movie is just one concentrated process for getting Ed’s attention. In reality, Ed is listening all the time, 24/7. And that means that YOU get to live a life of delicious self-made adventures and achievements, and all you have to do is keep whispering sweet somethings in Ed’s ear.

What if you decided to replace “I can’t” with “Of course I can!”
What if you decided to believe that doing what you most want to do, being who you most want to be would really be an absolute hoot?
That your life could be rich, and satisfying, and fun?
What if you choose to believe in magic? In miracles? In the possibility that an unending flow of good fortune is going to sweep you up this very day?

What if you saw a fabulous future so vividly that you walked around whispering Thank You! Thank You! Thank You! all day?
What if you started seeing more and more goodness and beauty everywhere?

What if you decided to fall completely in love with your life and the turns that it’s taking right this very day?

What if you chose to immerse yourself in a pool of absolute contentment?

Imagine what Ed might do then! Wayne Dyer wrote a book once with the great title, You’ll See It When You Believe It. I think he was on to the secrets of the Events Director. I think he knew how to whisper the most delicious thoughts into Ed’s ear.

I’m imagining you’re getting the knack yourself, right? That you’re leaping into the week thinking that this reality-shaping stuff just might be great fun!

Go for it!

Warmly,
Susan

Image by Public Co from Pixabay

When Things Go Wrong

I saw a roadside sign this week that said, “When things go wrong, you don’t have to.”  

Think about that for a minute. Paint it in your favorite colors on some wall in your mind where you’ll see it now and then. 

Let it remind you that when events take an unexpected turn, you can snap yourself into the immediate reality and grab your chance to choose how you will respond, to ask yourself what the next best step really is.

Often when things go wrong, we react in some habitual, programmed way instead of choosing the best attitude to bring to the situation. We get mad or sad, irritated or angry. We pull inward and close ourselves up. 

Those kinds of emotions rob us of the broadened perception that allows us to find creative solutions. When you can interrupt your habitual response and center yourself for a moment, you’re much more likely to see greater possibilities.  

“When things go wrong, you don’t have to.” 

You can reach for something lighter, something higher, something kinder, something more helpful. A good place to begin is with acceptance of the fact that things seem to be going wrong, and that you seem to be not liking it at all. Okay. Yuckiness happens. And here it is. What’s the best way out?

Yuckiness, I’ve decided, is like quicksand. Fighting against it only makes things worse. You have to relax and take easy, deliberate motions toward solid ground. That’s what will save you.

When you can accept your circumstances for what they are and relax, you’ll be able to spot tools and means and opportunities that you would be blind to if you let yourself go wrong, too. But accept the pickle you’re in and you might even find yourself laughing at it all.

Maybe that’s the whole purpose behind Murphy’s Law. Maybe things go wrong just to give us the opportunity to discover what creative and resourceful beings we humans really are.  

Of course if I had a magic wand, I’d wish you a week where every day was smooth and filled with beauty and joy. But life is what it is, with its ups and downs, is delights and disappointments. So the best I can do is wish you a week where you’re awake and aware, a week that allows you savor the bits of goodness that even difficult days offer, and to remember that when things go wrong, you don’t have to.

Warmly,
Susan

Image by Steve Buissinne from Pixabay

Gift from the Pine Forest Floor

I took advantage of the sliver of time
between the winter’s cold rains
and the promised coming snow
to walk among the pines.
The air, frigid and moist, licked my face
and I was glad for the pines that their bark
is thick. I placed my gloved hand against
the trunk of one and felt its stoic peace
radiating into me. Beneath my boots, bits
of twigs and bark lay on the fading leaves,
and here, beside a fallen spray of pine,
a sprinkle of red berries lay, as if to add color
to the drab gray of the day. A shiver
of delight rose inside me at the sight of them,
How kind, I thought, to offer such a decoration,
a gift for my eyes, and perhaps a treat
for some lucky critter wandering across
the winter forest floor.

Winter, Between Snows

Mostly it’s like this: the western slope deep
in fading oak and maple leaves, the brown trunks
of the trees rising to a gray sky. No wonder,
I say to myself, I am beginning to long for spring.
A friend emailed me a single word this morning,
“ROBINS!!!!” it said, painting hope all over
my laptop’s screen. “WONDERFUL!” I replied,
We don’t normally shout at each other like that.
But spotting the first robins calls for exuberance.
So there’s that. The scouts have arrived.
Later in the day, when I gazed out the window
a motion caught my eye. Deer! See them?
There, by the yellow anchor for the utility pole.
Two of them, the doe staring back at me,
freezing the moment in some kind of greeting,
a mutual recognition of each other’s being,
here on this winter hill, between snows.

You Gotta Have Hope

After a week that held its share of attitude testing events, I found myself burrowing through my inspiration folder for a way to bolster myself against the temptation to give in to gloom. It had been a cold and dreary week in my little corner of the world, and I needed a lift.

When you notice that your spirit is sagging, it’s good to search for rays of light. We find what we look for, after all. Pro-actively seeking the positive is far healthier than allowing yourself to slide into a pit of gloom and despair. Pity parties are so boring.

I ran across a trick I liked from Dr. Barbara Fredrickson, positive psychology researcher. She suggests that when you’re on a gloomy patch of the road, you begin simply by asking yourself, “What’s good about this moment?” and expecting to find an answer.

I gave it a whirl. “What’s good about this moment?” I asked, as I felt the heaviness in my heart over the latest piece of news.

“This pain allows you to see the depth of your compassion for all who suffer,” some kind of inner knowing said. “In this moment, your love is overpowering, flowing through every molecule of you and out into everything in the world, and everyone you think of.”

I hadn’t expected an answer of that depth, but it put me in touch with what was going on in the center of me. And from there, it radiated out.

I noticed the colors around me, how the photos on the wall always made me smile, the way the light and shadows fell so softly around me. That was my love flowing out to my surroundings. I could feel it and it made me smile. Deeply. From the inside out, full of contentment and gratitude.

That’s the way it works. Ask what’s good about the moment, and in one form or another, the answers will present themselves to you.

I returned from my reverie to the open inspiration folder on my screen. My eyes fell on an exercise that I’d added last spring. It was an exercise you could do in the morning to begin your day on a note of hope.

That fit. It was hope I was seeking when I opened the folder in the first place.

This little exercise is from the book Five Good Minutes by Jeffrey Brantly, MD and Wendy Millstine. 

What you do is speak (to yourself, or our loud) a list of as many hopeful thoughts for yourself, your loved ones, the planet, and the universe as come to you, beginning each sentence with the words, “I have hope today . . .”

Here are some hope-filled suggestions the authors give to get you started:

“I have hope today that everything will go smoothly at work.”
“I have hope today that my family is healthy and happy.”
“I have hope today that my pet is feeling safe and content.”
“I have hope today that my friends and loved ones are having good experiences in life.”
“I have hope today that peace on earth will infect the planet and restore harmony.”

You get the idea. Make up your own.

The brilliant thing about the exercise is hidden in the wording. Not only are you sending good wishes to yourself, your loved ones, and the larger world, but you are reminding yourself that you have hope, that it resides inside you.

Writer Barbara Kingsolver has this to say on the subject. “The very least you can do in your life is figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is to live inside that hope. Not admire it from a distance but live right in it, under its roof.”

This little morning exercise lets you do just that: name what you hope for, and then live right under its roof all day.

Give it a try. I think you’ll like it.

Wishing you a week bright with high hopes and happiness.

Warmly,
Susan

PS
Haha! While I was writing this, song lyrics floated into my mind: “You gotta have hope. Mustn’t sit around and mope . . .” Check this out. It will give you a smile.

(You Gotta Have) Heart – Stereo – Broadway Classic Damn Yankees, 1958

Image by NoName_13 from Pixabay