“Certain colors are beautiful together; other colors aren’t.” That’s what she said, standing before her freshman class of art students. I remember finding that a curious thing to say. “Take, for instance,” she continued, “pink and orange. Each has its own fine qualities, but never, when combined, can they be considered beautiful.” The students took notes. I started drawing doodles, tuned her out, fell into dreams. I thought of her today as I came upon the wildflowers. I laughed. Tell it to the bees, I thought. Clearly, I was not the only one who didn’t listen.
I looked at my list of tasks as my friend and I entered the store. Shopping for groceries was only our first stop of several. I was mentally planning our itinerary when my friend suddenly stopped one step into the produce section.
“Look,” she said waving her hand to encompass the whole scene. “Everything we need to live is here.”
Her comment shot me back into the moment. In the center of the floor stood several large tables brimming with colorful produce. On one, tomatoes and onions, shiny bell peppers, ruffled heads of lettuce and ears of sweet corn. On another, bunches of red and green grapes and peaches, apples and pears. Each table’s contents were arranged with artful care. On lighted shelves behind them relishes and cheeses, specialty items, salads and drinks beckoned.
“I love the way you notice things like that,” I told my friend. She has a real knack for appreciation, one of the choices for happiness we all can make.
The key is noticing what you value.
She notices how things are designed, how they work. She goes through the world with an appreciative heart, and points out the cleverness of a tool’s design, the quality of materials, the efficiency or kindness of someone’s act, and says so.
Happy people are like that. They look for things to value in the present moment. That’s a key: Looking for what’s valuable right now, in the immediate present. What’s good here? What’s true? What’s beautiful? What’s alive in me right now?
Embracing the Contrasts
One way to do this is to look at your life as if it’s a movie, and the present moment is the movie’s current scene.
It may not be a pleasant one; it might be a tragedy or drama. But you can still appreciate it as a scene in your unique life—being fully conscious of what’s occurring, fully aware of what you’re experiencing and embracing it as a part of the totality of your life.
Genuinely happy people don’t deny life’s sorrows and disappointments. They appreciate the reality of them and experience their meaning and depths. But they equally embrace life’s delights and moments of beauty and goodness.
They’re aware of the contrasts that make up life’s diversity, and of the way the contrasts contribute to life’s richness and mystery.
Because of their total immersion in their lives, happy people learn that no experience is wholly good or wholly bad. It’s all a mix. And all of it contains something to be appreciated once you choose to see it.
Sharing the Good Stuff
Happy people actively look for things to appreciate in others and they share their appreciation in words. They let others know when they see their good qualities in action—their humor, their kindness, their courage, their creativity.
Sometimes they appreciate how well someone deals with their struggles and fears. And because they share what they appreciate in others, they build stronger relationships—in their workplaces, with their children, with their partners, and with friends.
They even disarm their adversaries by expressing sincere appreciation of their strengths. “Well done!” “Good move!”
They brighten the day for strangers by mentioning something the other has done well. “That was so kind of you!” “You packed that so efficiently!”
You never know when a simple comment will entirely change someone’s day.
As poet Elizabeth Barret Browning said, “Earth’s crammed with heaven.” Turn up your sense of appreciation this week and prove for yourself the truth in her words. You might just find your world transformed.
From out of the darkness golden petals burst forth, fiery-rayed blossoms that sing of the power of the sun. Blazing life, brimming with joy, dancing to the song of the ever-revealing Yes.
A seed here, a breeze there, some sun, some rain, the tilt of a tiny blue planet as it races around its star. Who would think mere happenstance could produce this harmony, this beauty! Yet here it is, before our eyes: Balance, a grace of design, an artful juxtaposition of varied hues and forms. Nothing is out of place. Nothing’s missing. Explain it as you will; the beauty remains and surpasses all the theories. The heart understands things that words can never tell.
Here’s where the deer lie, sheltered by sycamores, cooled by the green leaves of tall, wild sunflowers, the sun filtering down to kiss their pelts with warmth. This is the place they dream of in winter, the place they sing of in lullabies to newborn fawns in early spring as they lick their soft hair and promise them tomorrows filled with flowers and sunshine.
The creek is still today, its transparent surface mirroring the lush growth along its banks, capturing the clouds and the sky as if to reflect back to them their beauty. I stand in late summer’s tall green peering into the creek’s shadowed water, lucky enough to spot brown fishes lazing among the rocks. Some scenes are almost too perfect to bear. And to stand in their midst, tasting the fragrances, the breathing of it washing against my skin, is to feel honored somehow, and blessed to be alive, here, beside a still creek that mirrors the sky.
An unfamiliar quiet hangs over the lake today, a kind of waiting for the high-pitched shouts and laughter that danced over its waves on every sunny day since June. The children are gone, carried from their homes just after sunrise in bright yellow buses to the county’s schools. The kids, I imagine, were filled with excitement, glad for something new at last, for reunion with old friends, for moving once again toward grown-up. But here at the lake, it’s awfully quiet. I walk its shores and whisper to its waves, “I know. I know.”
You never know when you set out what your journey will bring. Anything you can imagine is possible, and then some. It’s all a gift, you know, a chance for you to explore your choices, to decide who you will be, to discover what you’re made of. Hold on to your hat. Hold on to your dreams. This gift’s an adventure, you know. Keep faith,and always remember that everything passes, and light always shines at the end of the road.
Acres of golden sunflowers, more than you could count in a day, nodded in the afternoon sun, each head, heavy with seeds, bowed as if in gratitude for the joy of such productive lives. Overhead, in a deep blue sky, floated a single cloud, looking like an angel with outspread gauzy wings, come to bless them. And a warm breeze, as light as feathers, wafted across the broad field, whispering its quiet amen.
How are you doing so far? Take a quick inventory and find out.
If you want to up your supply, one of the best things you can learn from genuinely happy people is to keep your options open.
You might think you’re limited by your age, responsibilities, circumstances, finances, or health, but the truth is you have countless options for expanding your happiness every single day.
The trick is to keep an eye out for them, and to risk grabbing the ones that wink at you as they appear.
One choice that happy people make is the choice to be free to try something new, even if it might make them look or feel silly, even if it violates their “shoulds,” even if it’s not “realistic” (and maybe especially if it’s not).
They ask themselves “What if?” and “Why not?”
They hone their curiosity.
They’re not locked in by plans, or by fears.
They’re flexible and daring.
They’re more driven by exploring life’s offerings and possibilities than by toeing the line in order to achieve an imagined security or success.
They trust life enough to let the conclusions take care of themselves.
Hunting for Happiness
Sometimes the something new starts with a new viewpoint, with asking, “How else can I look at this?” or “What opportunities are here?” or “How can I turn this into an adventure, or make it interesting or fun?”
Happy people cultivate a sense of play.
They teach themselves to see what they were viewing as a limitation as a challenge to their creativity instead.
For happy people, life is an art form, and they are the artists.
Dancer and choreographer Agnes de Mille said, “Living is a form of not being sure, not knowing what’s next or how. The moment you know how, you begin to die a little. The artist never entirely knows. We guess. We may be wrong, but we take leap after leap in the dark.”
Happy people don’t expect all their choices to turn out well. But they expect to grow from each of them, to learn, to be enriched by all that they experience.
They know that the joy is in the journey, in taking the leaps.
Taking the Risk
Looking for options keeps us from living on auto-pilot.
It opens a view of possibilities, moment to moment to moment.
Asking “What are my choices?” keeps us aware and alive.
Refuse to accept the lie that you have no choice.
You always do.
Happy people teach themselves to look outside the box, to deviate from their routines.
They learn to risk letting go of preconceived notions and of caring what anyone else thinks about the choices they make for themselves.
I have a poster on my wall that says, “Trust Your Crazy Ideas.” I think that’s great advice.
Crazy ideas can turn out to be the start of learning a whole new skill, or of meeting new people and making new friends.
They can lead to the discovery of a talent you hadn’t known you possessed, of discovering treasures and wonders you had no idea were right around that next corner.
Happiness experts Foster and Hicks say “Every new day presents the potential for relationships, education, personal growth, professional development and just plain fun.”
What calls you? What crazy new idea could you try?
What if?
Why not?
Keep on the lookout for new options—moment after moment, day after day.
They’re in front of you right now.
Next week I’ll share with you one of my favorite keys to increased happiness, one of the most beautiful ones. Stay tuned!
