Well, here we are at the final, and in many ways, most fundamental choice that happy people universally make: the commitment to be truthful with themselves.
They’re truthful with others, too, of course. But happiness springs from their choice to be honest with themselves—about what they truly think, and feel, and need, and want, and value ,and believe.
It’s not as easy as it sounds. It takes courage and a willingness to look at the difference between what you’re pretending and what is genuinely real for you.
Think about an area of your life where you’re experiencing some difficulty. Then try this exercise: Say to yourself, “I’m pretending that . . .” and describe how you’re not being authentic. Then say, “But the truth is . . .” and see if you can dig down to a new clarity.
We fall into pretending for a lot of reasons. We buy into our stories or the stories our family or culture tells.
We obey programmed “shoulds.” We give in to fears of embarrassment, shame, disapproval, rejection and judgment.
We assume that in order to be a good person we have to put the needs of disadvantaged others above our own.
We tell ourselves that we’re being kind or gracious by holding back on our own desires. In reality, when we’re truthful about our own needs and desires, we empower others to be truthful, too, and that gives us a greater chance for meeting everyone’s needs.
Even difficult truths can be spoken with tact and consideration. And even when we don’t say them perfectly, we’re affirming the importance of honesty in our relationships when we try.
Honesty, especially with yourself, is the bedrock foundation of happiness, and the only path to genuine intimacy with others. It’s the quality that provides you with the third “C” of happiness—centeredness—because the voice at your center is the voice of your truth.
You can’t know who you really are without listening for that truth. Self-honesty is the very core of authenticity.
Lack of honesty leads to tension, distancing from others, lack of motivation, burnout, fatigue, even illness.
Without truth, trust can’t exist. You can’t rely on your own judgment when you’re not honest with yourself about what you value, what you feel and think, what matters to you. And others can’t rely on you either.
But know what’s true for you and you become a pillar of strength and trustworthiness both to yourself and others. You know where you stand, and so does everyone else. You can be counted on; you’re reliable.
Honesty is highly attractive to others. More than that, you’ll feel an inner harmony that nothing but the truth can give you.
We grow as we experience life, of course, and our truths can evolve or change over time.
Happy people learn to pay continuous attention to their inner sense of truth to find new layers and new dimensions of it. What do I really believe? What do I genuinely want? What do I need? How do I really feel? Am I pretending?
These are the questions they ask, fearlessly listening for the answers, following truth’s light, and shining that light into the world.
Next week, we’ll put all nine choices for happiness together and see how they work as a synergistic whole.
Until then, I wish you fresh winds of honesty and a fascinating week.
Warmly,
Susan
Image by Viktoriya Yu from Pixabay